Thursday, September 26, 2013

Hi there.

So yesterday I did a post about the Post Office having a sign on their door that said THANKS FOR VISTING.

Now I'm in Door Sign Spotting Mode (or DSSM)

Today I go to the BANK OF AMERICA (The bank of AMERICA!!!) and on their door is a nicely made up sign that says:


You read that right...The Bank of America is now owned by Freddy 'Boom Boom' Washington.

I thanked the teller for letting me visit.

They didn't 'get it'.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Thank you for visting!

I'm at the post office this morning and I notice this sign on the door:


I wasn't visting. I was mailing a package.

I visit relatives,. I visit my friends.

I visit Cousin Saul.  (Well...maybe not Cousin Saul)

But I never VISIT the post office.

I mail stuff there.

They should change the sign:


(Thank you for visiting my blog)

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia (Massachusetts)

So the other night I'm sitting in the family room eating my dinner.

I was sitting in 'my chair'. Next to the chair is a small table with a lamp on it.

The lamp was turned on while I ate.  I like to see what I'm eating.

Guess what I did when I finished eating?

Yup...I turned the light off. (Like I've done every single time in the history of the world part 1.)

Here is the conversation that followed the light being shut off:

WIFEY: "Hey...what are you doing? There are other people in here ya know!"

ME:  :::Clicks light back on::


Two days later I take some clothes out of the dryer, I bring them into the family room, dump them on couch so I can fold them.... and then turn the ceiling lights on so I can see what I'm folding.

Here is the conversation that followed me turning the light ON:

WIFEY:  "Hey...what are you doing? There are other people in here ya know!"

ME: "Fuck off."

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Wednesday, September 18, 2013


A customer comes in today and tells me some of the bad stuff that's been happening to him.

He mentions that at least he will be able to soon get off of his meds. Here is the conversation that followed:

ME: "How long have you been taking these meds?"

HIM: "A long time."

ME: "Any side effects?"

HIM:  "They made my penis really, really big."

ME: "I know."

Friday, September 13, 2013

So once again a waitress thinks we are gay

So two guys going out to dinner automatically makes them gay, correct?

Well, that's the vibe that me and Hoag seem to give off.

It happened again last night. The waitress thought we were gay.

No big deal.

But I call her over to the table anyhow.

Here is the conversation:

ME: "I heard you think we are gay."

HER: "I never said that."

ME: "The owner told me you think we are gay. We're not. We are just two guys that go out to dinner every week togther and one of us dresses really nice."

HER: "I just assumed you were...I don't care if you are."

ME: "We ain't."

HER: "Okay blah blah blah small talk small talk small talk"


I'm glad we cleared that up. We go back to having a drink. She goes back to doing her job.

About a half hour later she cozies back up to our table.

Here is that conversation:

HER: "Do you guys like Elton John?"

Wednesday, September 11, 2013


So the other day I get home and make a few hotdogs for dinner.

Afterwards I saunter over to give Wifey a hug (or something)

Here is the conversation that followed:

WIFEY: "Get away from me!"

ME: "Why?"

WIFEY: "You have hotdog fingers."

ME: "I ain't got no hotdog fingers."

WIFEY: "You do."

ME: "Don't."

WIFEY: "Do."

ME: "I don't...I washed my hands."

WIFEY: "Hotdog fingers."

Tuesday, September 03, 2013

Things said to me at a wedding the other day.

1. "Excuse me,'re not allowed in here."

2. "Excuse me, Sir...that's for employees only."

3. "We're not letting people in there yet."

4. "'d have to smoke that cigar out front...not here."

5. "This bar is shut down for about 15 minutes."

6. "We don't have Crown Royal."

7. You can't park's for handicapped people."

8. "Are you the bus driver?"

9. "Don't touch me...I'm all wet!"

10. Excuse me, Sir...that's for the wedding party only."

11. "You're a only need one tissue."

12. "Of course I know what a Dirty Sanchez is...I'm not 11."  (This was actually said to someone else but I was within earshot)

13. "You can have as many cookies as you can carry."

14. "Can you see up my dress with those shoes?"