Saturday, April 26, 2014

I Grok Caulk

I needed caulk.


I kept putting it off and putting it off but finally this week I decided to do what needed to be done.

I needed caulk.

And I needed it now.

I thought I had some caulk out back years ago.  Untouched caulk.

But I had no way of getting the caulk out.

So off I went to the store to get a caulk gun. 

I've never messed around with caulk before so I had to watch a tutrorial on YouTube...some goober explaines how to use it. The more he explained the more I laughed.

You'd think caulk would be easy to handle...I suppose it is if you know what you are doing. But I'm a novice when it comes to caulk.

So I watch the video, I prepare the caulk, I prepare the gun...I'm all ready to to squeeze the trigger and get this caulk going.

Nothing happens.

The caulk won't come out. I call up my buddy Glink and ask him why the caulk won't come out.

We talk. He asks questions.

We discover the caulk is too old to come out....way too thick.

No matter how hard I pump or squeeze the caulk just won't come out.

I sit there frustrated. I need caulk and I need it now!  

No can do.

So I go to another store the next day to seek out some new caulk. None of that old caulk for me.

A sales gal comes up to me and asks if I need anything. Here is that conversation:

SALES GAL:  "Do you need anything today?"

ME: "Yes....I need caulk."

SALES GAL: "Me too!"

BOTH OF US:  :::laughter::

For some reason caulk is funny. It's almost too funny. I'm sick of needing caulk. I'm sick of looking for caulk. I'm sick of thick old caulk.

And there it is next to the caulk!!! Clear silicone!

This should do the trick.

I race back to the shop, load my caulk gun with silicone, I pull the trigger and silicone EXPLODES out of the tip! I then take it over to front windows and seal my windows. They've been rattling and sqeaking for years. A nice tight seal. Windows are fixed. 

And that my friends is my caulk story.

It's nice when these things have a happy ending.

Thursday, April 24, 2014

The Windy City

Yesterday was kinda windy.

In walks a retarded guy. Blathering on and on like retarded guys do.

I doubt retarded guys mind being called's usually their wranglers that get all upset with the term.

Does mentally challenged really sound better?

But I digress...

Anyhow...Tard starts yapping about this and that. Pointing out the obvious. Talking about whatever and a pickle.

It's time for him to leave.

He notices that the wind blows open my door (or was it the ghosts of you-know-who-from-you-know-where?)

Then he looks at swaying trees and says goodbye with a hearty "HAVE A GOOD WINDSDAY!"

Smart like a retarded fox.

Monday, April 07, 2014

Dee Neal

I'm not sure when this happened but I was told about it Saturday night.

It seems my Son-in-Law saw my wife's name written out somewhere and he thought it said "Dee Neal"

He was told of his mistake. Laughter followed.

He then started calling Wifey  "Dee Neal"

Laughter followed.

He now calls me The Captain.

(And I'm good with that)

Wednesday, April 02, 2014


So a mother was in my shop today with her eight year old daughter. Here is the conversation I overheard.

MOM: "Do you want a skull button?"

GIRL: "No, thank you....though I do LOVE skulls."

MOM: "But not the scary kind of skulls, right?