So this thick cankled croc n' capri wearing hot pregnant broad comes in selling me some stuff. She looks like a cross between Tiger Woods and Hillary Clinton. Smells perfumed like The Hoag.
So anyhow, she starts walking through my store singing Beatles songs and munching on crispy hexagons and offering them to her retard son when all of a sudden these 6 nearly dead filthy douchebag miners come in and start digging through my wares.
{and now you gentle reader can finish the rest of this story all composity bloggery like}
And then George Bush and Hitler did something great and all was well.
Infrastructure! ::sip::
ReplyDeleteI'd post something, but the Giant Lego Man asked me to help him find a new house. He's getting married to a Giant Lego Woman, an actress starring in a new production of Dracula. Lovely gal, but eats too many giant muffins. If she keeps up like that, she'll come down with the special constables, for sure.
ReplyDeleteLois: The Giant-Lego man is lookin' for a new house? I was planning to build one outta him!
ReplyDeleteOkay, so then the Verizon Wireless truck pulls up outside your store, and ALL of the Yankees start pouring out of the back of it! Including Yogi Berra, who has risen from the dead. Your wife rushes to the rescue with a heaping platter of ninja death star pancakes! (with syrup)
But while you're eating your ninja death star pancakes, your daughter (who loves you best) lights up a cigarrette on the balconey, lets out a monstrous fart, and runs back inside.
ReplyDeleteBut you couldn't chase her because you were caught in the headlock that was a result of calling Mrs. NoOprah "Wifey"
And then Berrie Bonds leapt up from where he was hiding (in the arms of Heavy Helen, the wanna-be Bond girl) and started lobbing racist candy and roadside bombs at the Yankees players, all the time shouting, "I thought the NAACP buried you florist-gown wearin' sissies!"
ReplyDeleteJust when it seemed like it was going to end in a bloodbath of WWII proportions, NoOprah's cell phone went off and it was Hoagy calling to discuss buddy night and his new shoes...
...you tell Hoagy to hang up and call you back, so you can hear your "Curb Your Enthusiasm" Ringtone again, and turn to greet Spud, who has rolled into the store to join the fracas accompanied by an intrepid boy Robot. With their assistance, you challenge the Yankees to come up with a witty phrase matching the letters YOUSUK...
ReplyDeleteYankees Often Use Skunk Urine Kegs
ReplyDeleteYankees ovulate usually standing under kangaroos
ReplyDeleteHmmm. I thought for sure baiting Hoag with the shoes comment would get him playing the game.
ReplyDeleteHe's a tougher opponent than I thought...
- We All Live in a Yellow Lego House
ReplyDelete- I Wanna Hold Your Hillary
- Norwegian Woods
- Everybody's Got Something to Hide but me and my Miner
- Heil Jude
- Can't Buy me Crocs
I can't believe nobody mentioned me...remember how good I was in The Departed??!
ReplyDeleteNo??
I hate you all.
Still loathing everyone, The Rat ties the Yankees' shoelaces together. As the composity mexican beatles (with El Lamontgo on drums)begin to play "No Me Compra Crocs," Hoagy leads a group of bears, raccoons, and meerkats in. Chaos ensues, bacon fries, and the air is rent with...
ReplyDeleteAnd then the candle lighting women all came in and lit candles to celebrate the miners looking half dead, but in an unfortunate incident, the flames caught on to the miners and the coal dust was quite flammable or is that inflammable.. hmmm.
ReplyDeleteWell anyway, in an ironic twist the candle lighting women killed the miners. So, they had to go out and buy more candles to hold a 'burnt dead miners' vigil. Unfortunately, all the heat from the candles caused excessive heat, thus causing excessive global warming and the world ended. All that was left was the pregnant woman singing Beatles songs in the midst of carnage. So there was hope.
The End.
10 years later.
ReplyDeleteHillary Clinton is the Empress of the World and everyone has developed thick-cankleitis thanks to an obscure form of radiation poisoning brought on by the toxins in the HOPE candles lit by the Beatles-obsessed survivors.
"All that was left was the pregnant woman singing Beatles songs in the midst of carnage. So there was hope."
ReplyDeleteWhadya mean? She's not pregnant. *glares*