I've been married a very long time. Very, very long time.
Some of those years have even been happy years.
Those of you that know Wifey know that she rarely gives me the satisfaction of laughing at my antics.
She might laugh inside (doubtful) but not often. Though she will laugh if I cut myself, spill gravy on my leg, or otherwise hurt myself.
But standard humor fails in getting laughs from her. Or smiles.
(I think we all know why she's married to me)
Set-up complete:
So last night I'm eating popcorn and my little puppy is sitting on the floor just looking up at me with the saddest eyes you've ever seen in your life.
And I keep eating.
And she wells up with near tears wanting my popcorn.
And I keep eating.
And she looks so sad. Hungry. It's salted buttered popcorn and she wants some.
And I keep eating and shooting her a glance from time to time.
So very sad.
But I keep eating....enjoying every savory kernel of popped corn. Salt....butter....popcorn.
And my puppy just watches....incredibly sad. So hungry for my corn. Wanting, wanting, wanting....
So I look at her and say:
"It's POPcorn, not PUPcorn!"
And then I look at Wifey and the faintest trace of a smile is on her face.
And I know she adores me.
(I think we all know why she's married to me)
ReplyDeleteShe showed up at the wrong wedding and it was all an accident and she just hasn't found a way to break it to you in all these years?
re: the post in general:
ReplyDeleteAwwwwwwwwwwwww.
re: why she's married to you:
Um, free comics?
Very cute blog (in a manly man way, of course)...but I'd just like to point out that the term "pupcorn" used in the vicinity of a sad-eyed puppy is mine mine mine all mine. I've been saying that for years.
ReplyDeleteYou'll be hearing from my lawyers!
Ooh! This post gives me lots 'o thoughts. First, "...standard humor"? Somehow, I can think of lots of adjectives to describe your humor, but standard ain't one of 'em!
ReplyDeleteSecond, the best thing about having a tough audience for humor is that when they do laugh--sometimes even just smile and look like they're going to laugh--you know you've REALLY hit a home run. It's even better than when you have someone on the floor laughing.
Third, I know this has nothing to do with pupcorn--which is cute, by the way, and please pay Cake--but my biggest humor problem is now and has always been when someone cracks up at something I've done and then says, "Do it again!" Some of my standard routines (okay, they're not really standard) I can do over, others I can't. Example: I was in the grocery store with my friend and I did a very humorous (okay, kinda humorous, you had to be there) "Evil Squirrel Laugh." "Do it again!" my friend cried. I did. "No, that's not it" my friend said. That happens ALL the time.
Gimme popcorn.
ReplyDeleteI hate popcorn. If I become president, I'm outlawing it.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a POW, they tortured me by making popcorn and letting me smell it but never letting me eat it! *sob*
ReplyDeletePopcorn for all!
ReplyDeleteThe Beatles on popcorn:
ReplyDelete- All You Need is Salt
- Pop Pop me do
- Twist and Pop
- Being for the Benefit of Mr. Corn
- Eight Kernels a Week
so are you giving out free pupcorn?
ReplyDeleteNever mind Wifey. Did the dog laugh? She's the one you actually told the joke to.
ReplyDeleteOh, and your poll needs a fifth choice, something along the lines of "any of the first three, but only a wimp (or a communist) would vote for the fourth."