Sometimes we kid about stuff.
We joke.
And sometimes we talk about the real issues of the day.
Back in 2006 I warned everyone about the Caprionic Plague that was sweeping the nation.
You didn't listen.
You looked stupid for a few years....and now you know I was right.
In 2008 I brought to everyones attention the danger of Croc-fever.
You listened right away...you spared yourself and everyone close to you the horror.
I cautioned about the Hillary.
You almost didn't listen but at the last moment you did and voted for Smiley.
(I should have warned about him earlier but at first all I saw was a sheep)
And on and on.
Now I'm going to warn you against possibly the greatest danger to man the world has ever known.
YOU MUST LISTEN!! HEED MY WARNING! OR SOMETHING!
I was in Macy's the other night walking through the men's department when I saw the creatures. The hideous, hideous beasts!
Plaid shorts! For men!
Don't DO IT!!!
EVER!!
Do not be suckered punched by these fashion skunks!
They stink!
Plaid shorts for men should be outlawed! And outlawed NOW!!
You buy them...you'll be photographed wearing them....you will be ridiculed for decades when the family photo albums get passed around!!
Did someone stumble upon a cache of plaid material and decide to dupe the American Male?
Plaid Shorts = I can't stomach even looking at you. You're no longer my friend. Fuck off.
And if by chance plaid shorts are becoming a fashion statement for women... keep in mind you are going to look old. Fat. And ugly.
And not the good kind of old, fat, and ugly.
"Plaid Shorts = I can't stomach even looking at you. You're no longer my friend."
ReplyDeleteSo they were your friend at one point? Interesting.
I just bought Jak-El two pairs of plaid shorts. And he (and Dan-El) want Crocs.
ReplyDeleteNoOprah won't be their friend anymore? Damn. Anyone know of another good place to buy funny books for kids?
*cue Cousin Saul...*
ReplyDeleteWhat about plaid capris?
ReplyDeleteSexy.
ReplyDeleteCannot accept the advice of a man who purchased teal green swim shorts and did NOT wash them before wearing, as stipulated. Would love to. Simp-ly can-not.
ReplyDeleteAlthough there is a silver lining. This is an awesome line, and I will be chanting it all day:
Do not be sucker punched by these stinky fashion skunks!
I'm still creeped out by the fact that he wore them before washing them. I thought he was better than that.
ReplyDelete1st Saturday in May 2010. Free comics for anyone wearing plaid shorts. Mark your calendars.
ReplyDeleteMaddog:
ReplyDeleteIf I was in Boston, I'd be sneaking around arranging for all the blog regulars to show up on Saturday at his shop...in plaid shorts/capris.
He's especially glad right now that I'm way up in the tundra.
Do they make plaid capris? Cause that would be swell!
ReplyDelete