GUY ON RADIO: "Today is July 3rd...tomorrow will be July 4th."
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GUY IN MY SHOP: "The Michael Jackson death is bigger than 9/11"
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GUY IN MY SHOP 7 DAYS AFTER MICHAEL JACKSON DIED: "Did you hear that Michael Jackson died?"
ME: "No...I didn't hear that."
GUY: "Farrah Fawcett and Chuck Norris died also."
ME: "I heard about Chuck."
(Chuck didn't die)
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HOAGY TO HOSTESS AT RESTAURANT AFTER HOSTESS COMMENTED ON HIS SHIRT: "You know we're not gay, right?"
ME: "Well...I'm not anyhow..."
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{Hoagy does his Karl Malden impersonation}
ME: "That ain't Karl Malden."
HOAG: "Then who is it?"
ME: "You just did Johnny Carson doing Karl Malden."
HOAG: "What will you do...WHAT WILL YOU DO?"
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WIFEY: "You have no fashion sense."
ME: "Maybe not for myself, but I know what looks good on women."
WIFEY: "No you don't."
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CUSTOMER: "What are your hours this weekend?"
ME: "Regular hours throughout the weekend."
CUSTOMER: "Are you closed on the 4th?"
ME: "Nope...we'll be open our regular hours all weekend."
CUSTOMER: "Even Sunday?"
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1) Except in Canada...tomorrow is July 5th, here.
ReplyDelete2) What's 9/11?
3) Chuck will never die!
4) Nice tassels, Hoag.
5) Nothing for #5.
6) Capris for all!
7) Are you hiring?
I'm only gay on Thursdays.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I know Friday is the day the store is full of bees. But I can't remember, is it Saturday or Sunday that the shop is full of spiders?
ReplyDeleteAnd will the spiders be keeping regular hours this weekend? The gay spiders too? What about the spiders from mars?
By the way, did I tell you I was on vacation?
ReplyDeleteI just found the bee outside...dead.
ReplyDeleteAnd after our (my) heroic effort to save him.
I buried (swept) him in the gutter.
ReplyDeleteIt's what he would have wanted.
Tomorrow should be declared a federal holiday to mourn the bee.
ReplyDelete"Inbeependence Day" has a nice ring to it....
It REALLY pisses me off that I didn't win the death pool.
ReplyDeleteMichael Jackson? Duh. I really have to stop this heroin breakfast so I can think clearly.
Janet "too stupid to remember her password"-give me a second to pull this needle out of my arm