Oh my god...even MORE from Crazy Jason!

CRAZY JASON: "You know the movie Marathon Man?"

ME: "Yup."

CRAZY JASON: "And today is the Boston Marathon?"

ME: "Yup."

CRAZY JASON: "Well, I'm the Marathon Man cuz I can go ALL. DAY. LONG."

ME: "Yup."

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CRAZY JASON: "Who is faster...The Road Runner or Flash and Quicksilver?"

ME: "Let me ask my customers."

CRAZY JASON: "Okay."

ME: "HEY!!! WHO IS FASTER....THE ROAD RUNNER OR THE FLASH?"

MY CUSTOMERS: "THE ROAD RUNNER!"

ME: "The Road Runner."

CRAZY JASON: "Thank you."

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CRAZY JASON: ".....and that's why Superheroes don't eat in the comics."

ME: "Why don't you come down here anymore?"

CRAZY JASON: "Well...last time I was there I had a car accident and the air bags popped out and made a noise like a sonic boom."

ME: "And....?"

CRAZY JASON: "I thought it was just your way of letting me know I wasn't welcome there anymore."

ME: "You're ALWAYS welcome here!"

ME: "During regular store hours, of course."

CRAZY JASON: "Of course."

ME: "Thnak you."

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CRAZY JASON: "I lost a bet once."

ME: "For how much?"

CRAZY JASON: "Under a dollar."

ME: "What was the bet?"

CRAZY JASON: "I bet that Dr. J was at my house, but I lost on a technicality."

ME: "Technicality?"

CRAZY JASON: "Yup...it was actually Julius Erving. That's his real name."

ME: "That sucks, huh?"

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CRAZY JASON: "Do you know intelligent cowboy movies?

ME: "Huh?"

CRAZY JASON: "Like Unforgiven."

ME: "Yes...?"

CRAZY JASON: "Do you think the horses are just metaphors for something?"

ME: "Such as?"

CRAZY JASON: "Maybe beasts of burden...you know, like The Rolling Stones song."

ME: "Oh...you're right. I never thought of that. Thank you."

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{Crazy Jason has been told he can only call on Thursday}

CRAZY JASON: "I know I'm supposed to call on Thursday but I'm calling you Today.

ME: "Okay."

CRAZY JASON: "Hello Today!"

ME: "That's funny!"

CRAZY JASON: "Thank you, Today!"

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CRAZY JASON: "Do you know The Song of Red Sonja?"

ME: "Yes."

CRAZY JASON: "Do you know The Food of Red Sonja?"

ME: "No...what is it?"

CRAZY JASON: "Lasagna."

ME: "Red Sonja likes lasagna?"

CRAZY JASON: "Yes."

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CRAZY JASON: "You know that Green Lantern in your window..."

ME: "Yes."

CRAZY JASON: "Well...he's a DC icon."

ME: "Yup."

CRAZY JASON: "Well I saw a DC girl masturbating in a coffee shop and they're not allowed to do that."

ME: "What coffee shop?"

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CRAZY JASON: "Do you know Jabba the Hutt?"

ME: "Yup."

CRAZY JASON: "Well, I know where his hut is."

ME: "Cool...where?"

CRAZY JASON: "Newton Corner...near the hospital."

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CRAZY JASON: "Remember when you told me you never met an alien?"

ME: "Yup."

CRAZY JASON: "Well I met one once."

ME: "Cool."

CRAZY JASON: "His name is Al. His real name is Alien."

ME: "Thank you."

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CRAZY JASON: "Do you know the band KISS?"

ME: "I know of them, yes."

CRAZY JASON: "Well...they're not a Satanist band...they're Christian."

ME: "How do you figure?"

CRAZY JASON: "Christmas....KISSmas....see.?

ME: "Thank you."

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I thought for sure I had him beat at his own game.

I didn't.

Here is that conversation:

ME: "Did you know Nick Fury was chinese?"

CRAZY JASON: "How do you figure?"

ME: "Isn't he the Asian of S.H.I.E.L.D.?"

CRAZY JASON: "No...but Beast Wars are democrats...there is no R in beast."

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CRAZY JASON: "Do you know the Avengers?"

ME: "Yes."

CRAZY JASON: "If they played 'Simon Says'...Wonderman would be Simon."

ME: "Cool."

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CRAZY JASON: "You know how Ragnarok is the final conflict?"

ME: "Okay..."

CRAZY JASON: "If I licked my dick would that be the final dong flicked?"

ME: :::laughter:: "Thank you."

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CRAZY JASON: "Remember how I said I was shaken but not stirred?"

ME: "Yup."

CRAZY JASON: "I'm actually stirred."

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CRAZY JASON: "I just got my phone bill and it lists all my phone calls."

ME: "Neat."

CRAZY JASON: "The only people I owe money are: A T &T, Verizon, and Whitey Bulger."

ME: "Neat. Thank you."

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CRAZY JASON: "Do you know that game Dungeons and Dragons?"

ME: "Yup."

CRAZY JASON: "If it was my game I'd change it to Heroines and Herpes, because that's what it really is."

ME: "Thank you."

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CRAZY JASON: "Do you have Off Track Betting there?"

ME: "No."

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CRAZY JASON: "I didn't rob you."

ME: "Great...thanks!"



(Nobody robbed me)

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CRAZY JASON: "Do you know why Conan and Rambo have never fought?"

ME: "Because they lived in different times?"

CRAZY: "Nope....it's because they're the same person and you can't fight yourself."

ME: "Thank you."

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CRAZY JASON: "Blah blah blah blah blah"

ME: "Okay great! Well, I'll need the phone the rest of the day so no more calls."

CRAZY JASON: "Okay."

20 minutes later:

CRAZY JASON: "Did you mean you need the phone or that you knead the phone?"

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CRAZY JASON: "Remember the movie Home Alone?"

ME: "Yup."

CRAZY JASON: "Well, shop owners like you shouldn't tell people you work alone or they'll come in and rob you."

ME: "I have ten guys working here today."

CRAZY JASON: "Okay."