Wifey and I live alone.
In the morning there is a pot of coffee waiting for me when I get up.
I have my java (hipster coffee) and then I wash out the coffee pot so when Wifey gets home she doesn't have to.
Husband of the year, correct?
So anyhow...
Every so often my youngest daughter stays over.
On those occasions Wifey leaves a note: 'Please leave the coffee for youngest daughter."
Makes sense...kinda stupid for me to empty out the pot if she wants some coffee, correct?
Youngest stays over ever week or two.
And every week or two there is a note 'Please leave the coffeee for youngest daughter.'
I understand the note the first time. Even the second, third, or fourth time.
But every week or so it's there...taunting me. Mocking my retardation. My special olympic brain.
'Please leave the coffee for youngest daughter.'
'Please leave the coffee for youngest daughter.'
'Please leave the coffee for youngest daughter.'
Week after week after week after week.
'Please leave the coffee for youngest daughter.'
And every week I leave the coffee for youngest daughter.
It makes sense.
But the NOTE!!! THE NOTE!!!
Every goddamn week! THE NOTE!! The reminder of my brain. My pea-brain.
'Please leave the coffee for youngest daughter.'
'Please leave the coffee for youngest daughter.'
'All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy!'
So last night daughter stayed over.
This morning I found a note:
'Please make your own sandwich...the bread was frozen when I was making lunch'
Hmmmmmmm....okay.
Time for work.
I look at the coffee pot.
It's filled with coffee.
Youngest daughter is upstairs.
No note telling me to save coffee.
Brain sparks to life.
I don't need no steenkin' note.
I have a brain! A big man brain!
I'm smart!
I look at the coffee pot.
I look on the counter for note.
No coffee note. Just make your own sandwich note.
---------------
SO TO SUM UP
I left the coffee for youngest daughter. I needed no note.
I forgot to make a sandwich.
I need sandwich note conditioning!!
Is Wifey's hate of the environment greater than her fear of your retardation? That's a lot of trees.
ReplyDeleteLiar!
ReplyDeleteYou didn't forget to make your sandwich...you were just afraid of touching the bread.
p.s.
Did you feel a sense of relief at writing this block*? Finally admitting to your great retahdation?
*That's the new cool spelling.
"Please cover counter with Peel and Stick Glitter Foam."
ReplyDelete"Please cover the counter with Peel and Stick Glitter Foam."
"Please cover the counter with Peel and Stick Glitter Foam."
"Please do not forget to make sandwich."
"Please cover the counter with Peel and Stick Glitter Foam."
I think the subliminal message is Men have to be reminded over and over and over and over and over
ReplyDeleteagain before they're conditioned to think for themselves.
cos men have selective misremembering :)
Speaking of reminders, isn't it time you got around to naming youngest daughter? Wouldn't it be easier just to leave notes like "Please leave coffee for April" (or May, June, whatever)?
ReplyDeleteBTW, oh all-seeing eye of Massaswhozis, who came first: Daisy and May Duck, or Daisy Mae Yokum? I'm pretty sure they're all older than May Parker, (who's like 138).
I have a male friend who was sent to the grocery store by his wife with a note that said,"Buy strawberries...but not the brown moldy ones."
ReplyDeleteNo Sequitur Guy--
ReplyDeleteThat's really how he refers to his daughters: "oldest" and "youngest." He can't remember their names.
Good thing he stopped at two kids!