The Masters, Tiger Woods, and Naughty Bits

Today is the first day of Tiger's return to golf.

The Masters.

Probably the most prestigious (snooty) tournament on the PGA tour.

On one hand they need Tiger. On the other hand they wish he stayed in rehab.

This year because of the embarrassment of having Tiger Woods here, they've made a few rule changes for the media and sponsors.

They can no longer say:

'In the rough'

'He shanked it!'

'Those are a couple of nice balls for Tiger!'

'He's in the trap!'

'Nice shaft!'

'GET IN THE HOLE!'

'Tiger is now approaching the 18th hole'

'He nails it straight down the middle!'

'That bag of his is filled with lots of iron'

'Nice wood!'

'Just Do It!'

'He's workin' up a sweat.'

'What a grip he has on it!'

'He's in total control.'

'The back nine'

'That looks like a good eight or nine inches to the hole'

'OHHHH!! In and out!'

'What a nice slow easy stroke he has.'

'Dipsy-doodle!' (They should make this rule for all sporting events...NEVER SAY DIPSY DOODLE!!!'

'I think he needs a wedge.'

'Looks like he just took out the 9-iron!'

'He needs a sand wedge or a sandwich?' (no idea what this even means)

'Looks like Tiger is about to go down'

'Vi-jay-jay Singh is on top of Tiger!'

'Arnold Palmer? Arnold Palmer? He hardly knows her!'

'And the winner of the 2010 Masters is Tiger Woods!'

SO TO SUM UP:

Tiger will win the Masters.