The Ruth Gordon Carol Channing Drunken Mutant

So yesterday this old creepy lady came in.

She was drunk. She looked like a wicked skinny Ruth Gordon and sounded like a fat Carol Channing.

She was angry.

Here is the conversation:

GORDON CHANNING: "I'm looking for something for my niece."

ME: "How old is she?"

GORDON CHANNING: "How the fuck am I supposed to know?? Maybe nine."

ME: "I have these books and there are some toys over there..."

GORDON CHANNING: "I don't want that fucking shit."

ME: "Try the shop down the street next to the ice cream shop."

GORDON CHANNING: "Their ice cream is all freezer burned!!!"

ME: "NEXT to the ice cream shop."

GORDON CHANNING: "Fucking pain in the ass kids."

ME: "Thank you."