Snippets from the last few days

WIFEY: "You make so much noise when you eat cereal!"

ME: "It's Capt. Crunch. It's supposed to be noisy."

----

Wifey was leaving the house. I went up to her to say goodbye. I proceeded to 'fist bump' her.

WIFEY: "I don't do that!"

We then proceeded to low-five each other.

----
I called up a restaurant for a reservation and I asked for the manager.

Here is the conversation:

ME: "Is Lonnie there?"

HOSTESS: "Let me check."

ME: "Okay."

:::a few moments later:::

HOSTESS: "What's your name?"

ME: "IANO" (I didn't really say IANO)

HOSTESS: "She is here if you have lemon cookies for her."
-------

ME: "I like those shoes."

WIFEY: "Last year you hated them."

ME: "Last year you wore them with capris."

WIFEY: "Not capris, ankle Levis."

ME: "They look good with today's pants."

WIFEY: "Okee Dokee, Tommy Hilfiger."

------

OLD LADY AT RESTAURANT: "I'm a bit woozy after that drink."

ME: "You should go home and have another. Go crazy."

OLD LADY AT RESTAURANT: :::giggle:::

-----

ME TEXTING HOAG: "I just had a cigarette."

HOAG TEXTING ME BACK: "Idiot."

----

WIFEY: "Why do you do that?"

ME: "Do what?"

WIFEY: "You hold your breath."

ME: "I don't hold my breath."

WIFEY: "You do! You inhale and then you hold it in. Then you make a loud noise as you exhale."

----

WIFEY TEXTING ME: "It's so nice out! I want a porch!"

ME TEXTING HER BACK: "I built one for you this morning."