"Strings" Armstrong RIP

Overheard in a parking lot.

Three fat chicks were standing WAY over there >.

Two guys were over THAT < way.

Here is what was said:

ONE OF THE GUYS: "HEY, COWS!!...there is grass on our dicks!!"

--


(I might have laughed)

Todd Akin was wrong

And I have two daughters to prove it!!

Things you don't need to know about this past week's Buddy Nite.

We said the word 'Brony' over 200 hundred times.

Our table was reserved under the names Butch and Sundance.

We were called Hoagy and Cowboy as we left.

I stirred Hoag's drink with a French Fry.

As I got up to use the men's room I told Hoag to keep his paws off of my drink.

About an hour later he texted me a picture of him pawing my drink.

Salt got dumped into his drink.

We also spent a better part of the night discussing what charity we should get 100% involved in.


SO TO SUM UP:

One of the above statements is false.

How does a politician get my vote?

So Mitt Romney just picked Paul Ryan as his running mate.

I never heard of him before.

So I read up on him.

Turns out he used to work for Oscar Mayer.

And he drove the Wienermobile.

He drove...The Wienermobile!

A heartbeat away and we have a guy that drove the Wienermobile in the Oval Office!

(He didn't actually drive it IN the Oval Office)

Come November I vote (R)

Three days later

And I come up with the best response ever!

EVER!

Hopefully someone, sometime in the future, will ask me if I sell Fitzwillies.

Cuz I'm ready for them!

The Battle of the Olympic Male Bulge

So we were watching the Olympics the other night. Here is part of the conversation:

WIFEY: "Did you see that?"

ME: "What?"

WIFEY: "His package."

ME: "His package?"

WIFEY: "The bulge in his pants."

ME: "I wasn't looking there."

WIFEY: "You were looking there!!"

ME: "I don't look at male packages."

WIFEY: "What about on buddy nite?"

ME: "What the heck are you talking about?"

WIFEY: "You don't check out {real name} Hoagy?"

ME: "Why the heck would I check out Hoagy's package?"

WIFEY: "Aren't you curious?"

ME: "You're out of your mind."

WIFEY: "If you're behind him when you're walking into the restaurant do you look at him?"

ME: "You are nuts...I'm looking at chicks."

WIFEY: "You don't notice what {real name} Hoagy is wearing?"

ME: "Everybody notices what Hoagy is wearing."

Sometimes I'm just gonna swipe a joke from Sarah Silverman.

So this old couple goes to Germany for vacation, and they're doing the whole tour.

And they get into a big fight on the bus, and they go on the tour of Auschwitz and they're not speaking to each other the whole time.

They get back on the bus and the husband says "You were right, I was wrong, I'm sorry."

And she says: "Oh, NOW you're sorry. Now that you ruined Auschwitz for me."

So the power is back on in India and what it means to you.

1. Female voices have returned to their normal dulcet tones.

2. With AC now pouring thru the whole country it is down to a chilling 108 degrees.

3. Sweet aroma of the famed Sewage River returns in all of its glory.

4. Car horns never needed electricity!! We kept on honkin', Bobo!

5. Children are back to being pleasant.

6. Trash Mountain is back in operation and locals flocked back as if they never left!

7. Squalor returns all around the countryside.

8. Hindu?

9. Do what?

10. Remind me of a man.

11. What man?

12. Man with the power.

13. Power of what?

14. Hindu.

15. Do what?

16. Remind me of a man...