And the Oscar goes to....JEFF BRIDGES!

For some movie called Crazy Horse or Crazy Heart or Crazy Jason.

Or something.

But nobody has seen it.

Have you?

Or you?

Hey Fatty....how about YOU?

Nobody in the "Academy" saw it.

The man on the street never saw it.

Siskel or Ebert never saw it.

Dave, Jay, and Conan never saw it.

It never played in any theatres.

Or cinemas.

Or moviehouses.

Rumor has it that it played down the Nickolodeon in Spokane (Spokane is a funny name for a city)

Never played the Drive-In.

Folks say it's like the Wrestler but with a country western theme.

Or so they've heard.

They think a friend of their cousin saw it.

Possibly on a AERO-Plane to Spokane.

They also heard that Jeff was wonderful in it even though the movie itself is just so-so.

And that's why The Dude is gonna win the Oscar.

Because he's such a great actor (an ACTOR!!) that he's convinced folks that he was in Crazy Heart. Or Crazy Jason. Or something.

The movie that doesn't really exist. Never did. Never will.

Unless you've been to Spokane. And there it plays around the clock. In every cinema. In every theatre. At every picture show and every drive-in.

Crazy Heart starring Jeff Bridges. Winner of the Academy Award.

SO TO SUM UP:

Watch as Jeff double pumps the Oscar high in the air, runs his fingers thru his mane, and then points to his charming wife of 30+ years.

And thanks his agent.

Possibly even the folks in Spokane.