WIFEY: "You make so much noise when you eat cereal!"
ME: "It's Capt. Crunch. It's supposed to be noisy."
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Wifey was leaving the house. I went up to her to say goodbye. I proceeded to 'fist bump' her.
WIFEY: "I don't do that!"
We then proceeded to low-five each other.
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I called up a restaurant for a reservation and I asked for the manager.
Here is the conversation:
ME: "Is Lonnie there?"
HOSTESS: "Let me check."
ME: "Okay."
:::a few moments later:::
HOSTESS: "What's your name?"
ME: "IANO" (I didn't really say IANO)
HOSTESS: "She is here if you have lemon cookies for her."
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ME: "I like those shoes."
WIFEY: "Last year you hated them."
ME: "Last year you wore them with capris."
WIFEY: "Not capris, ankle Levis."
ME: "They look good with today's pants."
WIFEY: "Okee Dokee, Tommy Hilfiger."
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OLD LADY AT RESTAURANT: "I'm a bit woozy after that drink."
ME: "You should go home and have another. Go crazy."
OLD LADY AT RESTAURANT: :::giggle:::
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ME TEXTING HOAG: "I just had a cigarette."
HOAG TEXTING ME BACK: "Idiot."
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WIFEY: "Why do you do that?"
ME: "Do what?"
WIFEY: "You hold your breath."
ME: "I don't hold my breath."
WIFEY: "You do! You inhale and then you hold it in. Then you make a loud noise as you exhale."
----
WIFEY TEXTING ME: "It's so nice out! I want a porch!"
ME TEXTING HER BACK: "I built one for you this morning."
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9 comments:
Haw. Old lady in a bar made me think of my cousin Sylvia and how she died:
In her prime she was a ballerina, good enough to be part of the Sadlers Wells troupe. That's pretty good.
In her later years she retired to Lynchburg Virginia (Virginia- not Tennessee) and developed a taste for Jack Daniels. She was a pretty scrappy old broad, regularly getting into bar fights. In one fight (at age 80) she got knocked down, hit her head and died. That happened about three years ago.
Anyways, just be careful around old ladies in bars. Sylvia claimed she'd never lost one of her many dustups- they were fun. Okay, she came out of the last one dead, but she once told me that she'd laid a whole lot of hurting on a whole lot of good ol' boys who found they'd bitten off more than they could chew.
So watch it around the oldies- especially the scrawny ones.
That reminds me, I think I'll wear my capris today. It's going to be nice and warm out!
1) Do you watch cartoons while you eat Captain Crunch?
2) It didn't warrant a high-five.
3) Did you bring lemon cookies?
4) "Ankle Levis"?! Are those like "Boyfriend Jeans"?
5) Old lady has a blog where she bragged about the young thing who hit on her, you know.
6) You are an idiot.
7) Do you turn blue?
8) I have a porch. Nyah.
Cap'n
Life is better. It doesn't get stuck in your teeth like Cap'n Crunch.
We all had some
Good Ol' Captain Crunch
Good Ol' Captain Crunch
Good Ol' Captain Crunch
We all had some
Noisy Captain Crunch
In a yellow
Cereal bowl
Like you could build a porch.
You smoke cigarettes? You are way cool!!
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