1. Hitler at Riverdale High
2. Al Cappuccino and other celebrity Starbucks treats
3. Find a trusted auto mechanic to babysit your newborn.
4. Republican High School Teachers
5. John Kerry's tips on how to work the drive thru window.
6. Good Cell Phone Plans (two year agreement must be in place, roaming charges apply, nights and days are extra, limited availability,thirty dollars per text message, not available in North America, do not try this at home)
7. Why we love Bill Pullman! (or is that Bill Paxton?)
8. My ten favorite Andie McDowell movies....ummmm...I mean two favorite.
9. Nothing for #9
10. Garfunkel's genius.
11. Why women like to be told they look good with the added weight.
I heard you also rejected...
ReplyDelete- 101 Uses for Sandwich Meat
- My Theories on How Puppies are Planning World Domination
- How Stamp Collecting Changed my Life
- How a Rubik's Cube is Like Butterscotch Pudding
- Words that Rhyme with Adolf
- >>>>>>>>>Words that Rhyme with Adolf<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
ReplyDeleteOrange?
How to Help Poor Lil' Bill Gates
ReplyDeleteMother Teresa: The Devil's Pinmonkey
Milk of Magnesia: Why Is It So Weird On My Count Chocula?
The Mysteries of Dust Bunnies
Bin Laden: Friend to Little Kitties
Why Actresses' Lips Need to Be Larger!
The Wit and Wisdom of Kevin Federline
Judy Garland's 10-Step Plan
100 Reasons Why Brownie Did a Heckuva Job
And, thank goodness that someone else realizes that puppies are planning world domination. Wielding their infernal kryptonite of cuteness. Thank goodness they can't speak, because they'd all have charming little british accents, like, "I say, be a good chap and fetch me a biscuit" and "Be a duck and fetch me that newspaper." They'd wrinkle their little brows quizzically, and you'd be the one wearin' the collar and beggin' for a scritch, bud. We're talkin' Hestonlike turnabout. Planet of the Pooches.
ReplyDeleteWhat's that? Oh. That was a joke? Oh, sure. I knew that.
If only Nooprah could turn up a Puppy to English internet translator, then we'd be able to hear exactly what the little beggars are planning...
ReplyDeleteOh, Frosted Cake, dear, dear Frosted Cake, please don't give nooprah any big ideas. The pig latin was tough enough on me. Porky still dances in my nightmares wearing that damnable little jaunty hat.
ReplyDeleteYip yip woof grrr. ::howl::
ReplyDelete(Translation: sorry I went and opened my big mouth. Damnit.)
Wait...are you implying that auto mechanics *don't* make good babysitters?
ReplyDeleteDamn. There goes my childcare plan for next week. Anyone know a nice puppy who'd babysit for minimum wage? Infants make wonderful minions for despots in training....
Auto mechanics make great babysitters...the key is finding one you can trust with your car.
ReplyDeleteForget about Superman; Lois Lane's one-liners can leap tall buildings in a single bound!
ReplyDeleteInfants make wonderful minions for despots in training....
Nooprah Hall of Fame! But, watch out. You might gotta deliver your acceptance speech in pig frickin' latin.
Damn, I think Lois Lane's line (try saying that ten times quickly) just bumped Heavy Helen out of the top spot.
ReplyDeleteThe thing about Helen? She's heavy. She ain't budgin'.
ReplyDelete