Thursday, March 16, 2006

Horrific Headlines



Just scanning a newspapers headlines and you know right off the bat that the story is gonna be horrible. Certain words or phrases are just NEVER in feel good stories.

1. Torso (always a horrible story if this word is in the headline)

2. Ex-Catholic Priest

3. Single engine plane (They just don't put that in the headline if the story is good...they just don't)

4. Shallow grave. (never, ever good)

5. Margot Kidder

6. Ceasefire (that usually means they'll start even more shooting in about an hour )

7. Mine shaft.

8. Machete

9. Dr. Menegele

10. West Virginia

11. Ebola

You get the idea. So for today's fun we can do one of two things: Either think up other words that AIN'T good in a headline, or use these in a headline sentence that would be a feel good story. Remember...headlines, not the story.
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14 comments:

  1. Anonymous11:20 AM EST

    "Margot Kidder's Baby Rescued from Mine Shaft by ex-Catholic Priest" -- the feel-good story of the year

    ReplyDelete
  2. Cake11:32 AM EST

    - severed limb
    - Brangelina
    - overdose
    - leak
    - spill
    - waterfowl/birds
    - jumping the shark

    ReplyDelete
  3. Cake11:36 AM EST

    Although there is a good news story in there, too:

    Brangelina's Severed Limbs Stop Leak, Save Waterfowl

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous11:40 AM EST

    Brangelina Adopts Newest Child: Ebola Pitt Jolie

    Margot Kidder Declares Ceasefire on West Virgina

    Praise the AbFlex: Ex-Catholic Priest Wins Best Torso Award

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous11:49 AM EST

    Any headline with Kennedy in it.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Sparkle Plenty12:01 PM EST

    Co-ed (they're always getting into hideous hijinks)
    Mob
    Boarding house (never read a happy story involving one)
    Wilderness (if it's a nice nature story, it's a "forest,"; when somebody's lost, it's "The Wilderness")
    Gang (it's never about Spanky)
    Collapse
    Toxic
    Amok
    Dismembered
    Hapless commuter
    Lost
    Hijacked

    ReplyDelete
  7. Sparkle Plenty12:07 PM EST

    A Very Special Series by Wolf Blitz'em

    Margot Kidder Rises from Shallow Grave in West Virginia Mineshaft, Becomes Walking Deity

    Dr. Menegele Worships Margot Kidder's Torso, Cures Ebola by Synthesizing Rare Extract from Machete

    Inspired by Menegele, Ex-Catholic Priest Gives Combatants a Single Engine Plane--Permanent Ceasefire Breaks Out

    ReplyDelete
  8. I Ain't No Oprah12:08 PM EST

    Those are mighty big headlines Sparkle...

    ReplyDelete
  9. I Ain't No Oprah12:09 PM EST

    Did I say headlines or headlights??

    ReplyDelete
  10. Cake12:26 PM EST

    I have to disagree, Sparkle, there's nothing bad about this headline:

    Cute Gangs of Fluffy Bunnies run Amok in Wilderness

    ReplyDelete
  11. Cake2:58 PM EST

    There's this one too (though now I'm wandering away from Nooprah's list):

    Co-Ed Boardinghouse Adopts Mob of Lost Puppies

    ReplyDelete
  12. Anonymous7:51 PM EST

    Duct Tape

    Unidentified Body

    Tractor Trailor Truck

    Thin Ice

    ReplyDelete
  13. Anonymous7:59 PM EST

    Baseball Bat

    Well Respected Student CoEd

    ReplyDelete
  14. Jay Blogger10:36 AM EST

    4. Shallow grave. (never, ever good)

    "The Brit flick 'Shallow Grave' wins the award as best creepy movie from the '90s to not watch on a date."

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0111149/

    ...well, I tried to make a feel-good headline out that. Looks like I failed.

    ReplyDelete