1. Buy a spittoon.
2. Mourn.
3. Designate one of the closets at my house just for my slipper collection.
4. Have a LIFETIME movie marathon for me and my buddies.
5. Rename the kitchen The Hostess Pantry.
6. Stop belching.
7. Put dust ruffles on all beds.
8. Re-subscribe to the Oprah magazine.
9. Buddy Night will now become Buddy Month.
10. Take spitting lessons (you know, for the new spittoon)
11. Invest all of my remaining time, money, and energy into why NY Yankee fans smell so...ummmm.....different.
"7. Put dust ruffles on all beds."
ReplyDeleteSo you'll be turning in your Men's Club membership, then?
And the scientists will be very interested in studying the mind and body of someone who's lived exclusively on Oprah magazines and Hostess snack cakes...
ReplyDelete#12 Find Hot Balconey Girl
ReplyDeleteI wish my nickname was Bacon Ace.
ReplyDelete#13) Change nickname to bacon ace after wife dies in Iraq from a roadside bomb
ReplyDeleteSo THAT's what you got your wife for Mother's Day-a plane ticket to Iraq so she can "feel as if she's doing something positive on a global scale," while secretly you're just imagining the new curtain arrangements you've picked out for the livingroom when she tragically returns home in a boby bag?
ReplyDeleteI have no problem with that. And I'll bet Scott Peterson is pissed HE didn't think of that idea.