Thursday, August 13, 2015

Trump VS Hillary

So I was talking to a friend yesterday about the coming election.

Here is that conversation:

ME: "So if the election was today and it was Hillary VS Trump who would you vote for?"

HIM: "Hillary."

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Now if that ain't the most adorable thing you've heard in years I don't know what is.


Thursday, February 26, 2015

Customer was a black guy

CUSTOMER: "Do you remember me?"

ME: "No...what's your name?"

CUSTOMER: "Soon it will be....Black Tiger!"

ME: "Black Tiger?"

CUSTOMER: "Soon."

ME: "Black Tiger."

CUSTOMER: "Do you remember that book I bought last time?"

ME: "No."


Friday, February 13, 2015

Snow

I'm outside the other day in front of my workplace clearing some snow. Sweeping the sidewalk. Etc.

I look around...across the street at the sew/vac place are the usual white suspects taking a cigarette break. Across the street is the chinese guy throwing down ice melt. Walking down the sidewalk are two black broads. Walking down the sidewalk from the other direction looked like a hodgepodge of ethnicity walking my way.

I shovel a bit more...and then look up and notice this small ledge that is under my sign. Its piled high with snow. I decided to remove said snow using my push broom (normally I use a longer squee-gee thingy)

So I reach up with the push broom to pull the snow off.

Yup, you guessed it...all the snow came falling down right on me. I was covered. It was all over my sweatshirt...in the hood. All over my hair. My shoes.

I started laughing.

The white sew/vac folks started laughing.

Chinese guy started laughing.

The two black chicks started laughing.

(I'm not sure if the hodgepodge group noticed.)

For about fifteen seconds a bunch of strangers enjoyed laughing at the snow. And at me.


Moral of the story?
 Snow falling on an old white guy is usually funny.


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(the race of the people on the street has no bearing on this story whatsoever....though black broads have great big hearty guffaws!)

Saturday, February 07, 2015

NetDix

ANYBODY: "So....what did you do last night?"

ME: "I watched TV."

Simple, right?

WRONG!!

Ask someone under 30 what they did.

ME: "What did you do last night?"

A$$HOLE: "I watched Netflix.

(they actually watched some old network show)

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Why can't these super cool people just say they watched TV? NETFLIX IS TV!!!!!

You just pay for it!!!

I don't say "I watched HBO."

I watched TV.

Or I could say "I watched a movie...at home."

But these NetDix insist on telling you that they watched a movie on NetFlix.

I wish I was cool.

(I have Netflix at home...for the most part it's a bunch of old crap I watched years ago.)

Though I do love watching me some TCM.....


Saturday, January 31, 2015

BEER Conversation

GUY: "You smell like beer."

ME: "I just had a beer with lunch."

GUY: "What did you have for lunch?"

ME: "Beer."

Thursday, September 04, 2014

Thursday, August 28, 2014

A joke.

A male porn star is out in his yard raking leaves when he spots his neighbor outside. They start talking about this and that...small talk mostly.

Here is the good part of the conversation:

PORNSTAR: "So what did you do last night?"

MAN NEIGHBOR: "I went out on a blind date."

PORNSTAR: "How was it?"

MAN NEIGHBOR: "Eh. It was okay...we only got to first base."

PORNSTAR: "That's too bad....but at least you got your ass licked."

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