Sunday, May 26, 2013

The Smirk

So I'm doing some Google Image Searches the other day.

I type in SMIRK.

What I thought would be the first hit, WAS the first hit.

I was happy with myself.

So I asked Hoag what he thought would be the first hit.

Hoag instantly gets the correct answer.

I then ask Cousin Saul.

He gets it right in a nano second.

I ask a few male customers.

They don't hesitate. They all get it right.

I get home.

I ask Wifey.

A blank look on her face.

I ask future Wifey.


I ask my daughter.

Blank stare.

I come into work the next day and ask a few more women.

"If you google image search SMIRK what's the first thing that comes up?"

None of them have a clue...mostly lame guesses.

I tell the women the correct answer.

Bruce Willis.

One of them actually says to me "I haven't thought about Bruce Willis in twenty years."


I can't think of a day when I haven't thought of Bruce Willis.

And that my friends is the difference between men and women.


Thursday, May 23, 2013

I don't like the band RUSH

Last night I was watching the 2013 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony.
The last act to be inducted was RUSH.
I don't like RUSH.
Never have.
But I decided to watch them anyhow.
There are three guys in the band RUSH.
The drummer is awesome and he writes the lyrics (something about Tom Sawyer in one of the songs)
But just cuz the drummer has a bit of talent doesn't mean I like the band RUSH...cuz I don't.
I don't like RUSH.
(You already see where this is going, dontcha?)
Then I started paying attention to the lead guitar player.
The guy was doing stuff on a guitar that I really didnt know was possible.
I never really saw or listened to RUSH before...sometimes they'd pop up on the radio or somthing.
I never cared for them. Just cuz the lead guitar was amazing doesn't mean I like RUSH. I don't like RUSH. Never have.
Then I started to pay attention to the lead singer/bass player.
The dude kinda makes the bass guitar cool. He also was doing stuff that I never really saw a guitar player do.
And his voice? Distinctive.
Good? I have no clue. He sings rock and roll songs.
Does it matter if it's good?
I don't like RUSH in spite of the drummer being amazing (and writing the lyrics), the guitar player outplaying most other guitar players and a bass player that is the lead singer (he does have a cool name...Geddy Lee)
But I don't like RUSH.
I'll never buy any RUSH music or see them in concert.
Just because they are awesome doesn't mean I have like them.
I never liked RUSH, never will.
How the heck did they get in the Hall of Fame?

Monday, May 20, 2013

ixnay on handshaking-ay

So this guy comes in the shop the other day and offers out his hand to shake with me.

Here is the conversation that follows:

ME: "Nah...I don't shake hands."

HIM: "Why...ya got that germ phobia?"

ME: "Nope."

HIM: "So why won't you shake my hand?"

ME: "You're black."

HIM: "Actually I'm more brown."

ME:  ::::fistbump::


Thursday, May 02, 2013

Have you ever said something that you instantly wished you could take back?

Last night it happened to me.

I was sitting at a restaurant bar finishing up my dinner.

The bartender approached me.

Here is the conversation:

BARTENDER: "Would you like another beer?"

ME: "Negatory, Big Ben!"


I'm now quoting bad songs from the 1970s to bartenders.