Sunday, April 28, 2013


KID: "Look...Conan O'Brien has his own comic!"

DAD: "Different Conan....that's the barbarian."

KID: "Huh?"

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

The Homeless Guy

So this homeless guy is standing outside of my shop.

Long beard.

Dirty clothes.

Flood pants.

Flip-flops on his filthy feet.

Long fingernails.

Tattered shopping bags stuffed with newspapers.

You know, homeless.

Did I mention I put a large box of record albums outside today for FREE?

The Homeless Guy spots said records.


And what does he do?

He starts taking the records out of the sleeves and inspecting them for scratches.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

CUSTOMER: "Do you have the tin dog from Doctor Who?"

ME: "Sorry...we're all sold out of the tin dog."

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Saturday, April 06, 2013

Roger Ebert

ME: "Roger Ebert died."

POSSIBLY CLINKY: "Was he the fat one or the bald one?"

Thursday, April 04, 2013

Lady Liberty

A lady comes in today.

Here is the conversation.

LADY: "Do you have any low numbered tables?
ME: "A what?"

LADY: "A low numbered table."

ME: "You mean like a bargain table?"

LADY: "No...a low numbered table. A table with a low number."

ME: "I don't know what that is...I've never heard that expression before. Do you mean a table with things marked down low?"

LADY: "No...a low numbered table."

ME: "I don't have any low numbered tables right now."

LADY: "I'll bring that package in soon."

ME: "What package?"

LADY: "Remember when I came in dressed like Lady Liberty and I said I had a package for you?"

ME: "Yes."

LADY: "Maybe I'm dreaming."

ME: "Maybe."


(She actually came in a  month ago dressed up like the broad in the picture...She was 'working' for Liberty Tax...I didn't recognize her without her torch)

Wednesday, April 03, 2013

When is a gun not a gun? When it's ajar.

GAL: "Hey look, Marge....records! Remember these?"

MARGE: "Yes."

GAL: "What did we call them?"

MARGE:  "44's"