Saturday, April 30, 2011

Free Comic Book Day

KID: "Is today Free Comic Book Day?"

ME: " will be the first Saturday in May."

KID: "Tomorrow?"

ME: "Nope. Tomorrow is Sunday."

KID: "That's the first day in May."

ME: "Free Comic Book Day is on the first Saturday in May."

KID: "When is that?"

ME: "Saturday."

KID: "Today?"

ME: Nope, today is April 30th. The first Saturday in May."

KID: "Oh, on the 7th!"

ME: "Yup."

Friday, April 29, 2011

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Monday, April 25, 2011

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Compatibility should sometimes be spelled Combatibility

ME: "Maybe you shouldn't you put the water in there until tomorrow."

WIFEY: "I can't believe we've been together as long as we have."

Friday, April 22, 2011

When Idiots Talk

So I bought an iPhone yesterday. (Ain't I cool?)

And on said iPhone it has that feature they call Face Time.

It's when you call someone else that has an iPhone and you can video chat if you want. (They see you and you see them...very Jetsons like)

So I call up Hoag and he suggests we Face Time to test it out.

So I ring him back up. The video cameras start to do their magic.

But I don't see Hoag.

I see a sock puppet.

I'm talking to a sock puppet. Sock Puppet sounds like Hoag.

Hoag don't see me. Hoag sees Jim 'Ernest' Varney. Jim Varney sounds like me. (Why I have a Jim Varney mask is a subject for another time) (Why does Hoag have a Sock Puppet?)

Sock Puppet yapping to Jim Varney is riveting conversation.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Bloggity blog blog.

So someone scolded me recently because I haven't blogged in a few days.

So now I'm blogging.

Normally I blog when I have something to say or to share something amusing.

Today I had nothing, yet I'm blogging anyhow.

So I did a Google Image search on the word BLOG to inspire me. This was the first picture that came up.

Notice the white guy is in the front center?

And the Chinese guy on the left.

The climate change guy and the gay guy on the right (they both might be gay)

Obama next to them.

And then further on down the line some Indians, a few Europeans, and the usual mixed races.

The point of today's blog?

Chinese guys usually stand next to the white guys with everyone else behind them.

And the gay guys usually stand next to the climate change guys.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Wifey is the Word

So last night I pick up The Hoag on the way to Buddy Nite.

We are juust driving along when I spot Wifey driving in front of us.

Hmmmmm....what should we do?

I flash my lights. I wave. I call her.

ME: "Hey...I'm behind you!"

WIFEY: "Oh, I thought you were an old lady."


So we continue on our way with Wifey in front of us.

Her sunroof opens.

Out shoots her arm and hand giving Hoag 'The Finger'

I'm not really sure why she gave Hoag the finger. (Hoag thinks she might have been giving it to me)

Thursday, April 14, 2011

The King of Hamburger

So last night I decided to cook a hamburger.

Big deal, right?

It was.

I've never really cooked a hamburger before (in the 1970s I did in one of those hamburger cooker thingies)

Some spices...some oil in the pan to prevent sticking.. A little of this, a little of that.


I put two burgers (80% lean) in a pan and cooked them to perfection without adding anything.

(A little Jack Daniels BBQ sauce to dip it in)

And then I tasted it. It was fantastic! I did the Snoopy dance. (not really)

I looked over at Wifey with a smug look on my face.

I just cooked a hamburger and it was great!

WIFEY: "Let me try a piece!"

ME: "Okay."


ME: "So how was it?"

WIFEY: "Tasted like a hamburger."

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Paltrow Fever!

So my lady Gwyneth goes on GLEE and sings a couple of songs. Amusing. Clever.

But not really.

Then this very average singer decides to sing on the Grammy Awards.


Or is it lame?

It's lame.

But she doesn't know it. Her famous husband (?) must fluff her full of BS.

She thinks she's 'all that'.

But she ain't all that.

She is an actress pretending she is a singer.

Much like Jamie Foxxxxxx. (though he is an actor, not an actress)

You are an actor. You can sing a tiny bit with tons studio over-dubbing and a bunch of what have you. (Ever notice when Jamie sings he gets all street and baggy pants and rappier than thou, yet when he is in actor mode he looks well dressed and can talk normal?)


You two are actors. Act, don't sing.

It's embarrassing.

The real tough part is that you both have just enough singing ability where the retards will insist that you are good.


Go away! Shoo! Be gone!

(I just sang this whole post)

I wish he divulged more.

"There've been discussions, but I've been asked not to divulge anything,” Sheen divulged.

(From his WBZ interview)

Monday, April 11, 2011

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Overheard in front of my shop

GUY: "Hey...want some bread?"

OTHER GUY: "No thank you."

GUY: "It's rye!"

OTHER GUY: "Where did you get it?"

GUY: "From my church. It's fresh."

Saturday, April 09, 2011

Mulatto Sci-Fi

THE DAD: "LOOK! It's the Millienium Falcon from Space 1999!"


Sunday, April 03, 2011

Magic Sponge!

ME: "What should I clean these doors with?"

WIFEY: "Use one of the magic sponges."

ME: "We have magic sponges?"

WIFEY: "The white sponges under the sink."

ME: "Why do they call them magic?"

WIFEY: "Because they clean real well."

ME: "So they're not actually magic?"

WIFEY: "You're annoying."

Saturday, April 02, 2011

Dull March/April Snippets

WIFEY: "What IS radiation?"

ME: "I don't know."


ME: "Are you a good girl? Are you a good girl? Are you a good girl?"

MY DOG: :::blank stare:::


ME: "We cracked her windshield with those snowballs."

HOAG: "Liar."


WIFEY: "You have garlic all over your hands! Get away!"

ME: "I just washed my hands."

WIFEY: "It must be from the oven. It stinks"

ME: "It makes me sleep well."


GUY IN FRONT OF POST OFFICE: "The post office is closed! Something must be going on."

ME: "I think Pam is just using the bathroom. I'm gonna wait in my car."



GAL: "I think I will get Jared that Grendel lighter."

ME: "Why? Is it his birthday?"

GAL: "Nope...I just love him."

ME: "You loved Titanic!"

JOE: "I didn't love Titanic."

ME: "You did!"

JOE: "Didn't."

ME: "Did."

JOE: "Didn't."

ME: "Did."

JOE: "Didn't."

ME: "Did."

JOE: "Didn't."

(He did)


HOSTESS TO HOAGY: "I LOVE your shirt!!!"

ME: "What about mine?"

LYING HOSTESS: "Ummmm...yours is nice."


Friday, April 01, 2011