Saturday, March 30, 2013

The Incredible Hulk

So I'm flipping thru an old issue of The Incredible Hulk  and in it is a panel of The Hulk kinda talking to himself.

He says something like: "Bah! Why do puny humans bother Hulk?"

 I thought about it for a second or two.

They bother you Hulk, cuz you're an asshole.

Always smashing things. And stuff.

Quit being a dink and maybe they won't 'bother' you anymore.

Friday, March 22, 2013


GUY: " you know where I can get a key made?"

ME: "Yes...there is a locksmith four blocks down THAT way."

GUY: "Thanks...I'll go the other's not as far."


(I'm thankful that we have the word dinkweed)

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

I'm so cool...I swear a lot in this post!

I was reading an article today about snack time at the White House.

The article featured the above picture.

A picture of a little boy in suit and a little girl in her cotillion dress.

(I hope those kids get bullied BIG TIME!)

But that's not why I'm writing.

I'm writing cuz it's SNACK TIME at The Fucking White House and the goddamn Obama's put out a fucking bowl of apples!!!

For snacks!!

I love apples, don't get me wrong...but for SNACK TIME??? At the White House???

And look at MOOchelle's giddy smile?

"I'm promoting healthy eating!"


It's snack time at the Goddamn White House and you put out goddamn apples for kids.

They want candy.

Bush would have put out candy.

And not healthy candy.

Candy candy.

The one time those kids get to go to the fucking White House and they get fucking apples.


(a special thanks to Cousin Saul for the term Moochelle)


Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Monday, March 11, 2013

Pawn Store

GUY: "There used to be a pawn store around you know where it is?"

ME: "They closed years ago."

GUY: "The man down the street said there is a pawn store right around here."

ME: "He's wrong."

GUY: "It's where the old pawn store used to be."

ME: "There was never a pawn store on this block."

GUY: "Yes there was...I've been in it!"

ME: "You've been in a pawn store here?"

GUY: "Yes, back when they sold videos."

ME:  "OH!!!! A Porn store!!!"

GUY: "Yes, that's what I said."

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Menu Antics

Last night we went out to eat with another couple.
One of my favorite things to do in a restaurant is eat.
One of my other favorite things to do in a restaurant is to engage the waitress with stupid.
Here is the conversation after the waitress explained the specials.
WAITRESS:  "So if you have ANY questions about the menu just ask!"
ME: "Where did you get it printed?"
WAITRESS:  :::blinks:::

Friday, March 08, 2013

Mom's Junk Mail

My Mom died in 2004.

This past week I got some mail addressed to her.

On the envelope in BOLD letters it stated:


I didn't open it.

Sunday, March 03, 2013

The couple shown above died this morning on the way to the hospital to deliver their first baby.
The baby survived.
I'm guessing the picture was taken on their wedding day.
Three events.
One sad. (soon to be parents dead)
Two happy. (the wedding being one....the idea that the baby doesn't have to grow up and call this freak 'Dad' being the other.)

Saturday, March 02, 2013

Making an old joke timely.

Two elephants are sitting in a bathtub.

The first elephant says to the other: "Please pass the soap."

The other elephant replies: "No pope, radio!"