Me and The Hoag always went to the movies and as kids and adults we've always been a bit obsessive about where we sit. We hated getting in late and having crappy seats up front or in the middle behind some douchebag. Hated it.
So very early on (age 13) The Hoag took matters into his own hands. We discussed what the best seats in the house were (unlike a concert, at a movie you don't want to be in the front row)....and then The Hoag takes out his knife (non-switchblade variety) and proceeds to hack up and just totally rip the stuffing out of his "seat"....He got it down so that seat was nothing but springs and a cushioned back.
From that day forward no matter how late we were for the show, that seat and the one next to it were always empty and just waiting for us....cuz who on earth would want to sit on springs?
The Hoag. That's who.
I'm glad you added the "non-switchblade variety" note, otherwise I'd be picturing him trying to tear the hell out of a chair with a folding comb.
ReplyDeleteIt's Kill or be Kicked!
ReplyDeleteThat should read: Property defacing douchebag. Singular.
ReplyDeleteI was at the concession stand waiting for a hotdog.
"I was at the concession stand waiting for a hotdog."
ReplyDeleteThat seems to be your lot in life. *sigh* Always a hot dog waiter, never a property defacing douchebag.
revision:
ReplyDeleteproperty defacing and hot dog waiting douchebags.
Take a second and re-read the comments on this page.
ReplyDeleteSee?
Yer all insane but me.
Oh that anonymous!
ReplyDeletebacon ace - that's "identity hiding douchebag" to you.
ReplyDeleteBut how did you make sure that no douchebags sat in front of you?
ReplyDeleteWell...he did have a knife
ReplyDeleteDear Identity Hiding Douchebag:
ReplyDeleteWuss.
Sincerely,
Cake
Is that your new catch phrase, by any chance?! Ha!
ReplyDelete