I think all sane people can agree that Frito Brand Corn Chips are the quintessential salted snack food (followed closely by Mister Salty Pretzels and Planters Cashews)
Now take a look at that bag of Fritos that are on your desk. Hopefully you have the regular Fritos and not the Frito Scoops (though Frito Scoops are actually better)...on the bag is a picture of like 8 or 9 corn chips and in small lettering on the bag it states: IMAGE IS ENLARGED TO SHOW TEXTURE.
Are we really buying Fritos for their texture? Don't we buy sofas and sweaters for their texture? We buy Fritos for their goodness. Their salty goodness.
So anyhow I became mesmerized by that image of enlarged Fritos Brand Corn Chips and their texture. I scanned in the bag to my computer and enlarged the image a bit more. And saw roads.
I enlarged it a bit more and saw buildings and mountains and malls. I kept enlarging the image more and more and I saw entire towns and cities and people and cars and rivers. Each tasty Frito is a world of it's own.
And on each Frito the people look human and American. And everyone drives new cars and is attractive and rich. And on Planet Frito there is only one snack food and it is made of corn and chips. It's a wonderful world. People are happy.
Today I'm gonna kill about 60 Planet Fritos and all of their inhabitants.
Sorry.
Does that mean that EVERYTHING in their world is made of Fritos?!?! I wouldn't make it home, because I would eat my steering wheel.
ReplyDeleteI'm more concerned that the pre-meditation will mean a first degree murder charge for NoOprah, even if the victims are little corn people.
ReplyDeleteHow "pretty" is NoOprah? Will he stand a chance in the Big House?
Dude: Don't think so small. Strap on your manifest destiny utility belt and eat the whole frickin' Frito universe. How does one go about doing that? Well, I'm delighted that you asked (or that I asked for you). I feel a recipe coming on...
ReplyDeleteNote: Be sure to brush and floss all Frito citizens out of your teeth afterwards. DESTROY THE EVIDENCE, and this will keep you from becoming the most popular new "gal" on the "block."
Big Grab of Fritos
One cup of chili with beans
Grated Cheddar cheese
Plastic fork
Sour cream, onions, tomatoes, lettuce, pico de gallo, cilantro, whatEVAH
Snip across the side of the Fritos bag. Pour in the chili, top with cheese and stuff. Stick the fork into the bag, mix it up, and destroy-destroy-ex-ter-min-ate.
Heavy Helen, Trailer Park, USA
They aint 'little corn people'...they're human. Americans. Just smaller. And they smell of corn. Delicious salted corn. In the preferred chip format.
ReplyDeleteI hope they let you do your blog from jail...
ReplyDeleteAintNo sure gots a pretty mouth and soft girl hands...I hope he's my new cell mate.
ReplyDeleteTell AintNo...Warden says there ain't no room for another cot in the cell so we'll be bunkin' together.
ReplyDeleteHope he don't snore.
It was a happy place...and then NoOprah ate everyone. ::sob::
ReplyDeleteI'm eating Ruffles right now-sour cream and onion. Because they have Ridges, not souls.
ReplyDeleteAy least ONE of us will sleep well tonight.
Do they have Frito-scented car fresheners?
ReplyDelete