As you know, thousands of children around the globe read this blog. Today we are asking them not to, as today's blog is going to be R-rated.
Back when me and the Hoag were around 13 years old we'd be hangin' my house and my older brother and his friends would be there also.
They were cool. We looked up to them. They stole stuff, smoked pot, drank booze, skipped school, made it with chicks, dressed cool, gambled.
They gave us advice.
So one day while sitting Indian style looking up at in awe at one of them....we'll call him Mike....he gave us some incredible advice.
MIKE: "Never blow air into a woman's coochie (vagina)"
US: "Why would we want to?"
MIKE: Doesn't matter...just NEVER EVER do it...it could kill them"
US: "GASP!!!"
MIKE: "Promise?"
US: "How could it kill them if we blew air into their coochie (vagina)?"
MIKE: "It would send an air bubble straight to the heart instantly killing them."
US: "We promise!"
FAST FORWARD 5 TO 8 YEARS LATER:
HOAG: "Hey...remember when Mike Scotty told us that if you blew air into a woman's coochie (vagina) it would kill them?"
ME: "Hell yeah!"
HOAG: "It doesn't kill them...they just kinda laugh and look at you weird"
Oh, that Hoagy!
ReplyDeleteNoOprah:
ReplyDeleteIt's people like you who are going to put the Pop Rocks and Coca-Cola industries out of business.
-- Lamont Cranston
I've never blown into a Pop Rocks Coochie (vagina)....
ReplyDeleteYou do realize it's National Vagina Appreciation Week...
ReplyDeleteDirrrty
ReplyDeleteEvery week is National Vagina Appreciation Week.
ReplyDeleteAmen brother!
ReplyDeleteAnd NoOprah,
I thought women hated it when you use the C word (coochie). Careful, they're know to go into irrational rages when they hear that word.
irrational rages?
ReplyDeleteIrrational Rages seem to happen once a month when Aunt Flow is visiting. Coincidence? I think not. Never trust anything that bleeds for five days but doesn't die.
ReplyDeleteI'll have you know that my rages are always rational.
ReplyDeleteTo me, anyways.
Bacon Ace and Paul aren't making nice with the girlies in the playground. They both need a time-out.
ReplyDeleteTo you corners boys. It's for your own good.
Good thing there aren't thousands of children reading this!
ReplyDeleteCake is a chick?
ReplyDeleteDear Cake is a Chick?:
ReplyDeleteYes.
Love,
Cake (female)
Ace, you're absolutely right.
ReplyDeleteYou do deserve a category all your very own.
Paul you can come out from your corner, now. (Ace owns it.)
Yes, I can vouch for the fact that Cake is one hot broad!
ReplyDeleteHubba hubba.
"Paul you can come out from your corner, now. (Ace owns it.) "
ReplyDeleteSee? Totally irrational at the mention of that word. Thank you for proving my point.
Somebody sounds a little testy, or would that be 'irrational'?
ReplyDeleteMaybe Aunt Flow is making a visit to the Ace?
I'm curious. What would be the traditional flower of National Vagina Appreciation Week, anyways? Tulips?
ReplyDeleteQuick, someone call Hallmark...we have a winner here!
Well, Bacon Ace might be the gal to answer that.
ReplyDeleteMaybe we should check back later with ace, when aunt flow isn't visiting.
ReplyDeleteCake,
ReplyDeleteI SO want to respond to your question about the National Vagina Week flower, but anything I say will just get me into trouble.
Although someone DID drop the "C" bomb already, which should make anything the rest of say sound pristine.
On that note...See You Next Tuesday!
Awesome! Look at the reaction just by typing it once. Way to go gals.
ReplyDeleteBTW you can make reference to me as a female anytime. My ego can take it. It's a long noted fact on this blog that I "eat corn the long way".
Now, that's no way to be in a corner, Bacon Ace. You're not to come out until Big Mama says.
ReplyDeleteSomebody please get Bacon Ace her Midol.
ReplyDelete"Us" flowers are starting to wilt.
bacon ace,
ReplyDeleteWe'll C U Next Tuesday...in detention.
Cake:
ReplyDeleteNobody has made the obligatory "pussy willows" joke? Shame on us all. I am rendering myself to a corner of the sandbox. But I'm taking the good truck.
-- Lamont Cranston
Lamont, good one!
ReplyDelete"Us" flowers probably would have thought of that if we weren't all going into irrational rages. (It tends to stump our creative process).
I think Big Mama and Teacher are handing out the appropriate punishments. No need for unnecessary self-exilation* (*okay, maybe not a real word, but it should be).
In a related story (on so many levels) George Clooney's potbellied pig died. Off to Hog heaven (the kind with Wilbur's, not Harley's).
ReplyDeleteHe will be missed at the villa.
speaking of blowing....does anyone know where the word blowjob derived from?
ReplyDelete"A rubber ball, a piece of string,
ReplyDeleteSally puts them in her thing."
--B. Kliban