Thursday, January 11, 2007

Dumb as a country shaped like a boot.

I'm getting ready to ship a package to Italy so I go to the US Post office website to check out restrictions and stuff (www.usps.com) and here is a partial list of what I CAN'T ship to Italy.

Losers.

The following list is real (though I edited out the stuff that made sense to restrict....weapons, radioactive materials, violins, etc)

Prohibitions (130)

Albums of any kind (of photographs, postcards, postage stamps, etc.).


Articles of platinum or gold; jewelry; and other valuable articles unless sent as insured packages.

Artificial flowers and fruits and accessories for them.

Bells and other musical instruments and parts thereof.



Clocks and supplies for clocks.

Coral mounted in any way.

Exposed photographic and cinematographic films.

Footwear of any kind.

Haberdashery and sewn articles of any kind, including trimmings and lace; handkerchiefs; scarves; shawls, needlework including stockings and gloves; bonnets, caps, and hats of any kind.

Leather goods.

Lighters and their parts, including lighter flints.

Nutmeg, vanilla; sea salt, rock salt; saffron.

Perfumery goods of all kinds (except soap).

Playing cards of any kind.

Postage stamps in sealed or unsealed letter-post shipments.

Ribbons for typewriters.

Roasted or ground coffee and its substitutes; roasted chicory.

Saccharine and all products containing saccharine.

Toys not made wholly of wood.

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Italy is now officially the dumbest planet on earth.

And does anyone want to buy my roasted chicory business?

20 comments:

  1. I wrote out a comment and I thought it was kind of clever...for me...and then blogger ate it.

    I blame Italy.

    ReplyDelete
  2. What about snakes? Can I send Luigi a box of snakes?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous11:20 AM EST

    I hava some a snake for you...::pinchpinch::

    ReplyDelete
  4. Dare me to mail a gold brooch covered with artificial flowers, a bell, a small clock, a little bit of coral (for colour), and pinned to a toy doll's leather shoe that's been soaked in vanilla-scented perfume and decorated with lace and postage stamps?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous2:41 PM EST

    Bigoted Italians...

    ReplyDelete
  6. Interestingly enough, in the book Mussolini's Italy: Life Under the Fascist Dictatorship, 1915-1945
    this is a match to Mussolini's list of favorite things

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous2:55 PM EST

    I'll have you know I look smokin' in a lacy bonnet and stockings...

    ReplyDelete
  8. And wooden toys have been outlawed since the Geppetto incident of 1951.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous3:06 PM EST

    Oh how I miss my little boy.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous3:08 PM EST

    That restraining order's still in effect, Geppetto. Don't make me call the cops.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous3:13 PM EST

    We're really hip!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Anonymous3:13 PM EST

    We're really hip!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Anonymous3:14 PM EST

    Hey - get a grip!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Anonymous3:14 PM EST

    Hey - get a grip!

    ReplyDelete
  15. How about pleying cerds or stemps? Venilla?

    ReplyDelete
  16. Stemp was always my favorite Stooge.

    Aside from Iggy, that is.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous4:59 PM EST

    You're a broad, what could you possibly know about the Stooges?

    ReplyDelete
  18. Hold on now....

    Italy gave us:

    The Godfather.
    The Renaissance.
    The GOOD kind of pizza...not that greasy Greek crap.
    An enemy in WWII that decided halfway through to surrender because they forgot why they were fighting AND their mother's were calling them for dinner.
    An awesome shape so you can tell if you're looking at a map of Europe upside down.
    Bemis.

    They just don't want all that stupid stuff-can you blame them?

    ReplyDelete
  19. Anonymous:

    The Three Stooges aren't really all that funny. That's all I need to know.

    Anunomess:

    Google Iggy and the Stooges. Trust me, Pop was a Stooge. And he was really my favorite.

    ReplyDelete
  20. mmmm....Corrado's. Angie made the pizza, correct?

    ReplyDelete