From the story in the bible, Boris:3:14, it mentions the baby Jesus (they were still callin' him baby Jesus even though he was now 7 years old) went out for his first Halloween dressed as The Frankincense Monster and he sadly came home with a bag filled only with myrrh.
The next year he would dress up as Cowboy and get a bag of gold.
The point of the story?
Ya dress up like Frankincense, ya get myrrh. Dress up like a Cowboy, and ya get gold.
It's true. I read it in the bible. Elvira 36D:
Yeah! I *knew* cowgirl was a better choice than Mary Magdalene for my costume this year.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the candy, Mister NoOprah!
Thank Cake...notice the candy is 'Canadian'?
ReplyDeleteAnd therefore superior, of course.
ReplyDeleteWhere's my damn candy?? I'm in costume!
Canadian, eh? I thought I noticed a subtle maple undertone, which was pleasant. The hint of bacon was a bit distubring, though.
ReplyDeleteOh gawd, Lois...you said the "b" word. You'll send Bacon Ace stampeding to the shop to get some! I pity whoever gets in his way...
ReplyDeleteReese's Bacon Cups.
ReplyDeleteReese Eggs and Bacon Cups might be better.
ReplyDeleteHickory-smoke-cured Mallomars.
ReplyDeleteAt 33, Jesus went out trick or treating as Bob Vila. The results were... unfortunate.
-- Lamont "I'm Already Going To Hell, What Do I Care?" Cranston
But, what of Cormanesians 3:1 that saith that Baby Jesus went out for his first Halloween dressed as a Crab Monster, spent the night dodging Philistines armed with melted butter, and got shot with a bb gun by mean ol' Mr. Herod who wanted the kids to stay the heck off his lawn*?
ReplyDelete*Revenge was sweet--verily, it took Mr. Herod years to get all of those loaves and fishes out of the maple tree in the front yard!
I better not get any peanuts or homemade treats or I'm telling my dad on you!
ReplyDeleteAND NO GODDAMN APPLES!
ReplyDeleteAnd you can shove those little cheap Halloween lollipops up [censored], too!
ReplyDeleteWhen baby Jesus says "goddamn," it carries some serious ecumenical weight.
ReplyDelete-- Lamont "Whatever Happened To Jesus's Foreskin?" Cranston
Goo-goo, ga-ga!
ReplyDeleteGoo-goo, ga-ga!
ReplyDelete"Reese's Bacon Cups"
ReplyDelete::passes out::
::wakes up hours later::
Whoah, now those would go in the godly candy pile.
IANO called me stupid! IANO called me stupid! I'm telling Dad! I'm telling Dad!
ReplyDeleteChocks away!!!!
ReplyDeleteOh hang on.. wrong post.
Just not the Dallas Cowboys. Blech.
ReplyDelete