Friday, January 11, 2008

Ask A Nazi

Enough with Hilllary week.

We found a NAZI to answer YOUR questions! He not only is a Doctor, but a father, champion bowler, and all around good guy.

He'il answer just about anything.

An example:

Q: "Why do hummingbirds flap their wings so fast?"

DOCTOR NAZI: "Because they're not jews."

See how simple that is?

Another example:

Q: "When should I teach my son to ride a bicycle?"

DOCTOR NAZI: "As soon as a jew opens a bike shop near you....that way the bike is free"

So fire away and ASK DOCTOR NAZI*




* the views of Doctor Nazi are his and his alone. IANO is an equal opportunity hate monger.

58 comments:

  1. Dear Doctor Nazi:

    My blonde, blue eyed son is celebrating his fifth birthday today. What would be the best present for him?

    Your pal,
    Lois

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous12:09 PM EST

    Dear Doctor Nazi:

    1. Can Hitler make a rock so heavy He can't lift it?

    2. Why do fools fall in love?

    3. Our mailroom just installed an automated letter sorting system called the Marvex-3000, but letters keep getting clogged in the first-level sorting grid. Is there anything that can be done about this?

    4. Under what circumstances is "I was only following orders" considered a viable legal defense?

    5. How would you rescue a handful of small, plastic, confused dinosaurs from mortal peril at the hands of robotmen?

    6. If Adolf Eichmann could be any kind of tree, what sort of tree would he be?

    7. Did I fire six bullets, or only five?

    8. What do you have for number eight?

    9. Who killed Bambi?

    10. How much time will Dr. Nazi spend answering questions posed to him from a Jew?

    -- Lamont "Briskin" Cranston

    ReplyDelete
  3. Dear Doctor Nazi,

    I have more pressing questions.

    What exactly is in Marmite?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Dear Doctor Nazi:

    1) Is it true that IANO has the hots for Hillllllary and, if so, what should he do about it?

    2) If an insane hate-mongerer falls in a bunker but there's nobody around to hear it, does he make a sound?

    3) What makes a shoe fancier, having a heel or being on Hoag's foot?

    4) Who's better, the Stones or the Beatles?

    Thanking you in advance,

    Cake

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous12:34 PM EST

    Dear Jayne,

    Marmite is people.

    Love,
    Doctor Nazi

    ReplyDelete
  6. Dear Doctor Nazi,

    How can I get the taste of people out of my mouth?

    It haunts me.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous12:42 PM EST

    Dear Doctor Nazi:

    What's up doc?

    Love,
    Bugs

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous12:45 PM EST

    Dear Bugs,

    Not much...how about with you?

    Love,
    Doctor Nazi

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous12:51 PM EST

    Dear Doctor Nazi,

    How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

    Best,
    Woodchuck

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous12:52 PM EST

    Dear Doctor Nazi,

    What came first, me or the egg?

    Love,
    Chicken

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous12:54 PM EST

    Dear Doctor Nazi:

    Are you a real doctor or did the BBC just make you one, too?

    Love,
    D. Tennant

    ReplyDelete
  12. Anonymous1:02 PM EST

    Dear Chicken,

    The non-jews came first.

    Love,
    Doctor Nazi

    ReplyDelete
  13. Anonymous1:03 PM EST

    Dear David,

    Doctor Who?

    Love Dr. Nazi

    ReplyDelete
  14. Anonymous1:04 PM EST

    Dear Doctor Phil:

    I just adore your talk show!

    Love,
    A big fan

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anonymous1:10 PM EST

    Dear Clueless,

    Please follow these two gentlemen. They'll get you comfortable.

    Thank you,
    D. Nazi

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anonymous1:11 PM EST

    Dear Doctor Nazi:

    I'm thinking of invading a nearby country...do you have any tips for me?

    Love,
    C.A. Nuck

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous1:29 PM EST

    Dear Doctor Nazi:

    I'm making a peanut butter and jam sandwich but I only have brown bread. Do I have to go to the store and buy white bread?

    Love,
    Worried in Warsaw

    ReplyDelete
  18. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Anonymous1:30 PM EST

    Dear Worried:

    Yes.

    Glad to be of assistance,
    Doc N.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Anonymous1:32 PM EST

    Dear Doctor Nazi:

    I hate chew!

    Sincerely,
    Crazy Lady

    ReplyDelete
  21. Anonymous1:38 PM EST

    Dear Crazy lady,

    Hate is a very strong word.

    Love,
    Doctor Nazi

    ReplyDelete
  22. Anonymous1:50 PM EST

    Dear Doctor Nazi:

    1. What comment could have been so vile, so repellant as to have merited being deleted from this comment board?

    2. What should Jewish readers who find themselves horrified yet vastly amused at today's postings do to alleviate their sense of guilt?

    3. What should non-Jewish, non-Aryan readers who find themselves vastly amused at today's postings do to alleviate their sense of guilt?

    4. What should Aryan readers who find themselves amused at today's postings do?

    5. Admit it: You've got a little Jew in you, don't you?

    Effervescently yours,

    -- Lamont "J'accuse" Cranston

    ReplyDelete
  23. Anonymous1:53 PM EST

    Dear Doctor Nazi:

    Does this outfit make me look fat?

    Love,
    Heavy Helen

    ReplyDelete
  24. Anonymous1:56 PM EST

    Dear Lamont:

    1. It had a typo in it. Nazis hate typos.

    2. Send cookies to IANO.

    3. Send cookies to IANO.

    4. Send cookies to IANO.

    5. Only the gingerbread Jew I just ate.

    Hope this helps,

    Doc N.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Anonymous1:57 PM EST

    Dear Heavy Helen:

    Yes but you're so white and blonde and blue-eyed, I hardly notice.

    What're you doing tonight?

    Sincerely,

    Doctor Nazi

    ReplyDelete
  26. Anonymous1:59 PM EST

    Dear Doctor Nazi:

    I'll trade you my blonde, blue eyed wife for Poland, if you like.

    Love,
    Bill

    ReplyDelete
  27. Anonymous2:08 PM EST

    Dear Doctor Nazi:

    Is it true you used to be a Mouseketeer?

    Love,
    JustCurious

    ReplyDelete
  28. Anonymous2:13 PM EST

    Dear Doctor Nazi:

    What exactly are you a doctor of?

    Medicinally yours,

    Lamont "Control Subject" Cranston

    P.S. Don't get too excited about brothels in Poland. "Brothels" are how they refer to tiny bowls of clear soup.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Anonymous2:42 PM EST

    Dear Lamont,

    I am a Doctor of Jewry.

    Thank you for your query,
    Doctor Nazi

    ReplyDelete
  30. Anonymous2:43 PM EST

    Dear Doctor Nazi,

    Why do I hate the Jew so much?

    Curious in Berlin

    ReplyDelete
  31. Anonymous2:45 PM EST

    Dear Curious in Berlin,

    I think you'll need to pick up my three volume tome on that subject.

    Make sure to read chapter 49: They Pee In Your Soup.

    Love,
    Doctor Nazi

    ReplyDelete
  32. Anonymous3:26 PM EST

    Dear Dr. Nazi,

    What song titles should we use on our new CD?

    All our lovin',
    The Jewish Beatles

    ReplyDelete
  33. Anonymous3:29 PM EST

    Dear Jewish Beatles,

    1. All My Kibitzin'

    2.Back In The B.O.X.C.A.R.

    3.While My Schmitzingrupper Gently Weeps

    Hope that gets you started!
    Doctor 'Robert' Nazi

    ReplyDelete
  34. Dear Doctor Nazi,

    What should I have for dinner tonight?

    Regards,
    IANO

    ReplyDelete
  35. Anonymous6:57 PM EST

    Dear Doctor. Nazi,

    What color hooded puppy coat should I get my German Shepard Kaiser-powder blue or lavendar?

    And why is it that every time I go to the convenience store in the morning before work to buy a single stupid Diet Coke there's an old lady in front of me with a fist full of scratch tickets she wants to have checked so she can see if she won anything and if she does spends twenty minutes picking out NEW scratch tickets while the line behind her of people who actually have to get to work starts to stretch outside the door as we wait for her to say "Give me 3 Number 8's, a ten....no, make that a twelve." Is it legal to kill her?

    Thank you.

    Juanita

    ReplyDelete
  36. Anonymous7:17 PM EST

    Dear Juanita:

    It's only legal to kill her if she's a member of the previously listed four food groups.

    You're welcome!

    Doctor Nazi

    ReplyDelete
  37. Anonymous7:18 PM EST

    "Jews, Gypsies, Lesbians, and Undesirables."

    Crap, I'm included!

    (And, no, I'm not a lesbian...not that there's anything wrong with that.)

    ReplyDelete
  38. Anonymous7:36 PM EST

    Dear Doctor Nazi,

    I think I might belong to one of the four food groups too. An "undesireable." To George Clooney. And Denzel Washington.

    Now what?

    Would killing the Scratch Ticket Lady in the store at 7 A.M. make me desireable?

    Respectfully,

    Juanita

    ReplyDelete
  39. Anonymous7:49 PM EST

    And YES.....


    I spelled "undesirable" incorrectly. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with me. Right Doctor Nazi? Right?

    Respectfully,

    Juanita

    ReplyDelete
  40. Anonymous10:23 AM EST

    Dear Juanita,

    What are you wearing?

    Love,

    Doctor Nazi

    ReplyDelete
  41. Anonymous11:26 AM EST

    Dear Doctor Nazi,

    Who or what is Jumpin' Jack Flash?

    Best,
    Confused.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Anonymous11:27 AM EST

    Dear Confused,

    Jumpin' Jack Flash is a Gas Gas Gas.

    Regards,

    Doctor Nazi

    ReplyDelete
  43. Dear Doctor Nazi:

    I just got a pile of groceries in and realized I forgot my favourite cereal. Whose fault is that?

    Thanking you in advance,

    Cake

    ReplyDelete
  44. Dear Doctor Nazi:

    What list?

    Curiously yours,

    Cake

    ReplyDelete
  45. Anonymous12:13 PM EST

    Dear Cake:

    If you'll just follow Clueless in Poland, I think all your questions will be answered.

    Happy trails!

    Doc Nazi

    ReplyDelete
  46. Anonymous1:15 PM EST

    Dear Doctor Nazi,

    Will the Patriots win tonight?

    Love,

    T. Brady

    ReplyDelete
  47. Anonymous1:17 PM EST

    Dear T.

    Yes....they have fewer Jews on their team.

    And play the over.

    Good luck,

    Doctor Nazi

    ReplyDelete
  48. Anonymous3:03 PM EST

    Dear Tony,

    Beats the hell out of me??!!

    You just stumped the Good Doctor!

    Humbly your,
    Dr. Nazi

    ReplyDelete
  49. Howdy Dr Nazi

    Why didn't Kinky get voted our Gov'nor?

    bye ya'll

    Tex

    ReplyDelete
  50. Anonymous5:23 PM EST

    Dear Tex,

    Jew wish to know?

    Because.

    Peace-out,

    Doctor Nazi

    ReplyDelete
  51. Anonymous7:29 PM EST

    Dear Doctor Nazi,

    I'm wearing my typical professional teacher attire-black leather skirt,knee high boots with fishnet stockings,and red shirt with plundging neckline.

    Any problems with that?

    ReplyDelete
  52. Anonymous9:19 PM EST

    Dear Dr.Nazi

    As we know, many of us had to ...disguise ourselves after the late unpleasantness, not out of fear, but to facilitate our return to global domination.

    Here, we stand at the cusp of the new REICH, and I find myself confused.

    It is evident from family resemblance that three of our children are competing for dominance, the sons of Rudolph Hess and Baron Von Strucker, and the daughter of Ilsa, She-wolf of the SS.

    I do not like the way Mitt Hess treats his animals. Cages are for people, not pets.

    Hilsary seems to be appealing to the shwartzers a little more than a good Aryan girl should, ja?

    That leafs Rudi, the spirit and image of the Von Strucker clan, but how can I possibly vote for someone who calls himself Jewliani?

    ReplyDelete
  53. Anonymous2:07 PM EST

    Dear Doctor Nazi:

    I'm watching football, is it too early to have a drink?

    Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  54. Anonymous2:07 PM EST

    Dear Couch Warming Looza:

    If you're toasting Mr. Hitler, it's never too early!

    Hope that helps.

    Doctor Nazi

    ReplyDelete
  55. Anonymous2:08 PM EST

    Dear Doctor Nazi:

    I just dropped the remote and I can't reach it unless I get up off the couch.

    What should I do?

    Thanks for being there for me!

    ReplyDelete
  56. Anonymous2:09 PM EST

    Dear Couch Warming Looza:

    Get a Jew to get it for you.

    And then send him to me.

    Sincerely,
    Doctor Nazi

    ReplyDelete
  57. Anonymous2:10 PM EST

    Dear Doctor Nazi:

    I got my remote back and I toasted Hitler with my glass of cider.

    But now I'm hungry...what should I do?

    Thanks yet again!

    ReplyDelete
  58. Anonymous2:11 PM EST

    Dear Couch Warming Looza:

    Haven't you got anything better to do? Okay, very well...for a snack, you should have a Heineken, some sauerkraut, some excellent german sausages, and a Jew.

    Now please stop yapping at me.

    Doctor Nazi

    ReplyDelete