Tuesday, January 08, 2008

A Vote For Hilllary Is A Vote For Hitler

Not really.

Today's tips for Hilllary:

1. Lose the cackle.

2. Lose the cankles.

3. Stop shrieking.

4. Have surgery to remove your penis.

5. Look at a mirror (it'll keep you from looking at a camera...YOU'RE HIDEOUS!)

6. Put down Chelsea....that dog needs to be put to sleep.

7. Say the word CHANGE. ONE. MORE. TIME.

8. Stop mentioning your '35 years of experience'....I could pick out a trailer and a china pattern in about 20 minutes.

9. Don't smile anymore....it truly freak folks out.

10. Be a good loser.

26 comments:

  1. To sum up:

    NoOprah just can't stop thinking about Hillary.

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  2. 1) What kind of trailer would you pick? I'd pick an airstream, but the holiday rambler has many positive attributes as well.
    2) Would it be a long, long trailer like Lucy and Desi had? 'cause that was kinda cool--if unwieldy on the turns.
    3) Would you make little curtains for your trailer? I would! Ooh!
    4) Oh, wait. Politics. We're talking politics. I'm SO bored of donkeys and elephants. What should the new party animals be? I'd take that little Geico gecko for the democrats. He won't actually be president, so it's okay he's British.

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  3. YEAH! A monkey is a great idea, Lois. And the penguins would be stylin'. But, hey! How about pirates? Who doesn't like pirates? Wouldn't that make conventions much more fun? Or maybe a gecko and a meerkat? Or a porcupine and an armadillo? I'm just saying it's time for a change...think outside the box.

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  4. To sum up some more:

    Lois beat me to the comment I was gonna make by almost an hour.

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  5. Anonymous11:57 AM EST

    "Change."

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  6. Hilllary is going down

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  7. Ladies ladies don't fight. We can have a monkey pirate.

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  8. Now there's a guy who can faciliate change.

    I vote for Bacon Ace!

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  9. i like llamas and ferrets myself. with little tinfoil hats to ward off the bad spirits.

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  10. Bacon Ace! Long Mojo Silver! I like it!

    Wait, Lois: Are you voting for Bacon Ace as a party animal or for president? Ah, hey. I'd go with either one.

    Llamas and ferrets. Both solid choices.

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  11. wait if Bacon Ace is going to run for Prez...what is his party animal representative going to be?

    a pig? potbellied pig?

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  12. Sparkle: Oh, I dunno. It's after 1 p.m., so honestly, I'm kinda drunk. Whatever he wants to do, I'll vote for him. And his little monkey pirate sidekick too.

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  13. So to sum up yet some more:

    Bacon Ace is running for president and his VP is going to be a pirate monkey wearing a tinfoil hat, and his totem animal is the pot-bellied pig?

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  14. Yarrrr.... someone call for a pirate? I'll get my monkey butlers on the case.

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  15. I humbly accept your nomination. I'll need good people in my administration so here goes:

    Sparkle: Speechwriter
    IANO: Secretary of War (no not of State let's call it what it actually is)
    Cake: Embassador to Canada (cushy job)
    Lois Lane: Secretary of Information

    Fill in the rest.

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  16. Clinky: Secretary of Cryptozoology

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  17. hey What am I??? I wanna serve

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  18. Tex: Special Assistant in Charge of Baseball?

    Maybe?

    (Hey, do I get a fancy new house, car, and driver with my new title?)

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  19. Anonymous4:19 PM EST

    Hey...no cabinet position for Lamont?...Where is Lamont, by the way?!

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  20. how bout in charge of the baseball players???? yah :)

    i should be the ambassador to the country of Texas

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  21. Lamont got 'friendly' with the Clintons and mysteriously vanished.

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  22. And he has a secretary named Lincoln.

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  23. I think Saul needs a title, too.

    "Minister in Charge of the Beatles Game" sounds good to me, whattya think?

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  24. ::waits eagerly for the blog about how Hillary won NH and NoOprah's giddy as a schoolgirl::

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  25. What if the Beatles wrote about how happy IANO is that Hillary won NH?

    - Twisting and Shouting for Joy
    - Dizzy Miss NoOpie
    - Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except NoOprah and His Love for Hillary (okay, that's a reach)
    - Obama-la-di, Obama-la-bye!

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  26. Anonymous7:13 PM EST

    nooprah,

    Lay off Chelsea. She looks great.

    The fortune cookie I read the other day said "He that sounds like Rush will begin to look like Rush." Just a fair warning.

    I was a mere mile from Bill yesterday but his visit was a "suprise" so I had no idea. MAN am I bummed out. I SO wanted to give him a kiss. The French kind.

    Juanita

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