Someone sent me this Jesus/God/Satan oneliner list

And I feel compelled to make fun of it. It's God's will. Or Smith's Will. Or Will Robinson's will.



Or something.



1. Give God what's right -- not what's left.



2. Man's way leads to a hopeless end -- God's way leads to an endless hope.



3. A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.



4. He who kneels before God can stand before anyone.



5. In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma--but never let him be the period.



6. Don't put a question mark where God puts a period.



7. Are you wrinkled with burden? Come to the church for a face-lift.



8. When praying, don't give God instructions - just report for duty.



9. Don't wait for six strong men to take you to church.



10. We don't change God's message -- His message changes us.



11. The church is prayer-conditioned.



12. When God ordains, He sustains.



13. WARNING: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning.



14. Plan ahead -- It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.



15. Most people want to serve God, but only in an advisory position.



16. Suffering from truth decay? Brush up on your Bible.



17. Exercise daily -- walk with the Lord.



18. Never give the devil a ride -- he will always want to drive.



19. Nothing else ruins the truth like stretching it.



20. Compassion is difficult to give away because it keeps coming back.



21. He who angers you controls you.



22. Worry is the darkroom in which negatives can develop.



23. Give Satan an inch & he'll be a ruler.



24. Be ye fishers of men -- you catch them & He'll clean them.



25. God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.



26. Read the Bible -- It will scare the hell out of you.

I was gonna make comments and goofs on each and every one of these but it would have made this blog ten times longer than this is already and it's already longer than anything ever and I'm starting to fall asleep. Here are my Cliff Notes versions of what I would have put down.

#3 and #4 were gonna be Monica Lewinsky and Bill Clinton jokes,

#1 was gonna be a Lima Bean joke,

#2 was gonna be a Brooke Shields joke,

#5 was gonna be a EXCLAMATION MARK!!,

#6 was going to ditto #5,

#7 was going to be in the voice of Pee-Wee Herman forgetting to laugh,

Nothing for #8,

Nine was gonna be a cremation joke,

#10 was gonna be a vote for Obama cuz he's all about change,

#11 was gonna get vomited on cuz it's so bad,

I have no clue what #12 even means. Religious freaks!,

I kinda like #13...it's just well written,

#14 somehow made me nod my head,

Nothing for #15,

Is god so clever and witty that he'd like #16? I think not.,

#17...why would God walk?

I'm guessing the devil has a nice car. Fast one...a red one. It's got the number 18 on it's door.

#19? stupid.

#20 is stupid.

#21 is stupid and I'm getting bored with the Lord.

#22 God must love the puns. I'm pretty much hating them.

#23 basically says that Satan is 11 inches tall.

#24 "Ace abortion...you rape 'em, we scrape 'em" That's kinda what #24 sounds like. Or something.

#25 has me drifting off.

#26 is actually quite good. I wish I wrote #26 myself.

So To Sum Up:
God good. Satan bad. Hillary is a bitch.