Random Bible thoughts on Easter Week

So you go into most folks homes and they have a bible. Maybe even two or three.

And you know what's weird? Most of them are in pristine condition. (usually in Catholic households)

Which means one of two things: They're either very careful when reading them or they never read them at all.

Now most of you that know me, know that I'm not religious. But I've read the bible. I read it like a book. A history book. I started at the beginning and read it right thru. Once.

The first half reads like fiction. I think the second half is supposed to be non-fiction.

The first half (the made up stuff) is all sci-fi-ey with folks living until they're 800 years old and powerful beings creating stuff (and resting and stuff)....probably some dinosaurs in there and some begottin' and some beholdin'

And then you get to the important part of the book.

The Jesus parts.

And it's all blah blah blah LOVE blah blah blah LOVE blah blah blah LOVE blah blah blah LOVE.

And that gets boring. I'd rather be with my wife or kids or friends whom I ummmm....LOVE. Crap. (and when I say LOVE my friends, that means the female friends. The guy friends, I like)

Or maybe watch some TV shows and movies and read me some books which I ummmmmmm....uhhhh....LOVE.

But the Bible keeps talking about Love this one and Love that one (I'd swear the Bible was writin' by the Beatles or something)
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And don't you hope that one day they'll find all those missing chapters of the Bible when Jessie was a teenager and flirtin' with chicks and causing mischief. God don't want ya seeing those years. The Christ was wild. I think.

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And then when you do go into someone's home that has a well read beat up Bible, it's got like thirty little pieces of paper bookmarking different passages.

Can't these people remember what they've read? Why don't they just read the whole thing again...from start to finish? You know, because it's a book. With a beginning, a middle, and an end.

I love the STAND by Stephen King but I don't just read the Tunnel scene over and over again....I read the whole book. Cuz It's great and I love it. Just like Jesus told me. (Now I want to read the tunnel scene...crap)

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One more thing about the Bible.

For folks that don't want to spend a lot of money:

Whenever you get invited to a wedding, give the bride and groom a new Bible that they won't read. They'll think how special it is is and it'll only set you back $20.00 or so. And nobody would dare call you a cheap bastard.

You gave them a Bible that they'll Love not reading!