Tuesday, July 01, 2008

The Circle Of Life

So this past weekend I went camping.

Camping, as in near a lake. In a tent.

In fact, a whole bunch of us went. Near a lake. In some tents.

So anyhow around two in the morning I wake up and need to go to the campground restroom to check how my hair looks (or something)

The restroom is up a hill in the middle of the woods (but close by)

2:00 am hair looks pretty good and I start back to my tent when all of a sudden I spot a bear!

There is a bear standing next to a tree about 20 feet from me.

I remember my bear training from The Hoag and I stand motionless (except for my hair which is blowing nicely in the wind)

And then I hear the bear roar!

"DAD! It's me!"

Holy crap! I'm the father of a bear!!! I'm the father of a talking bear!!"

"Dad, it's me...I'm over here!"

And then it dawned on me....that was my human daughter standing by the tree. At 2:00 am.

I was still wary of bear and remembered my teenage girl training I received from The Hoag...always approach with caution.

So what was human daughter doing at 2:00 am, in the woods, pretending she was a bear?

Turns out she was pretending to be a queasy bear and she was vomiting at the base of the tree.

And I did what any human father would do. I said:

"I hope you feel better in the morning...I'm going back to my tent. Be careful."

Fast forward 6 hours or so:

I get up and head to the campground restroom to check on my hair and I notice two chipmunks messing around with my daughter's vomit that is still pooled at the base of the tree.

I quickly name one of the chipmunks 'Dale'. I can't think of what to name the second one.

POINT OF THE STORY:

When camping, you experience the Circle of Life (or Cheerios, or whatever it is she ate that made her sick) first hand.

Or of course, something.

8 comments:

  1. This is my favorite post yet.
    "I remember my bear training from The Hoag and I stand motionless (except for my hair which is blowing nicely in the wind) And then I hear the bear roar! "DAD! It's me!" Holy crap! I'm the father of a bear!!! I'm the father of a talking bear!! I was still wary of bear and remembered my teenage girl training I received from The Hoag...always approach with caution..."

    HAR!

    If I wasn't so old, I'd tourette-out a slew of those acronym things the youngsters use to indicate they're laughing out loud and rolling on the floor laughing out loud, etc.

    So, in ebay language: AAAAAAA++++++++ You can't go wrong here!

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  2. I hate this blog for putting "Circle of Life" from the Lion King in my head.

    (Though I like it for being clever and all.)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous11:31 AM EDT

    I bet your first thought was,"that's not a bear...that's Sally Struthers!"
    PS. We had no bears at the reception that I was at (and no vomit either)....I'm just saying.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous11:32 AM EDT

    PS. Everybody read my blog!

    ReplyDelete
  5. HA! Cheerios are round. Circle of life is round.

    ::spins around and around in circle, vomits::

    Yuck. Can someone please send around a chipmunk to clean this up?

    ReplyDelete
  6. I laughed a lot too. Do you really have hair?

    ReplyDelete