Dining alone antics.

On my way home last night I stop at a restaurant and saunter up to the bar to eat.

By myself.

Here is how the conversation goes:

VICTIM: "Hi! What can I get for you tonight!?"

ME: "I'll just have the classic hamburger."

VICTIM: "How would you like that?"

ME: "Soon and delicious!"

VICTIM: "No...I mean how would you like that cooked?"

ME: "I really don't know...I don't know how to cook hamburgers."

VICTIM: "How do you normally get them?"

ME: "Quickly and delicious."

VICTIM: "Would you like that medium?"

ME: "How about large?"

VICTIM: "No...I mean do you want that cooked medium?"

ME: "I don't know what that means."

VICTIM: "Medium is not rare or over cooked...it's kinda in the middle."

ME: "I would like a hamburger soon, delicious, and in the middle. Or something."

VICTIM: "Am I on Candid Camera?"

ME: "How do you know what Candid Camera is....you look all of 30 years old?"

VICTIM: "I just know what it is.....am I on it?"

ME: "No."

VICTIM: "Are you just screwing with me?"

ME: "Maybe."

VICTIM: "You should never screw with us wait staff BEFORE you get your food."

ME: "When am I getting my food?"

VICTIM: "Soon."

ME: "And how will it be?"

VICTIM: "Delicious."

ME: "Thank you."

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SO TO SUM UP:

The food and saliva were awesome. And she got a great tip.