Our new feature starts TODAY!

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ME: "Patriots are now in first place!"

MADDOG: "They're
tied for first place."

ME: But they're in first place."

MADDOG: "Tied for first place."

ME: "That's first place."

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ME: "So you and Hubby are never gonna let me live that blog down, are you?"

SALLEE Da BRIT: "Probably not"
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ME: "So...that new perfume and skin lotion on the counter...have you found a place for it?"

WIFEY: "Yes."

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YOUNGEST DAUGHTER: "Happy Birthday, Dad!"

ME: "You didn't know it was my birthday did you? Your mother had to tell you!"

YOUNGEST: "Whatever."

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ME: "Where did you go?"

WIFEY: "We went to Salem."

ME: "Was it cool?"

WIFEY: "Very. Some folks were dressed up. And there were some real witches dressed up. You could tell they were real witches."

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AT HALLOWEEN PARTY

ME to guy with vomit all over his shirt: "Hi...what are you dressed up as?"

GUY: "I don't feel so well."

ME: "But what are you dressed up as?"

GUY: "A guy that doesn't feel so well."

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CASHIER: "I don't have enough change for you."

ME: "What would you like me to do?"

CASHIER: "Buy something else."

ME: ::::Buys $7.00 more of windshield washer::::

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