Tuesday, December 30, 2008

An actual True Vampire story. And how many people have one of those? Huh?



So we're out on a Buddy Nite two weeks ago (just me and Hoag) and we overhear these three broads at the bar discussing the HBO show TRUE BLOOD.

True Blood is about Vampires. Blood sucking undead.

They keep discussing the show and plot points and favorite vampires etc.

Me and Hoag keep listening.

They keep with the Vampire talk. They're bigtime into it.

So Hoag reaches into his coat pocket and quietly slips in a pair of Vampire fangs he happens to keep with him.

(Why he keeps them with him is beyond me. He also had a banana in his pocket...but I digress)

So he has the Vampire teeth in and the Dames turn around.

Hoag smiles and flashes them a quick glance of his fangs.

Very subtle.

They quickly turned around and their voices hush.

Me and Hoag went back to drinking blood.

Or something.
at

21 comments:

  1. Cake10:35 AM EST

    Now there's a story with some bite...some very sharp writing...

    I guess what I'm saying is, fangs a lot for the laughs!

    (Okay, sorry, I won't continue in that vein...okay, no, really, I'll stop now cuz I sense it'd be a mi-stake to continue...)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sparkle Plenty11:05 AM EST

    "So Hoag reaches into his coat pocket and quietly slips in a pair of Vampire fangs he happens to keep with him."

    I love this.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous11:11 AM EST

    Yeah...but do you love it as much as my recent blog entry? Huh? do ya?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous11:13 AM EST

    Oprah has now gained an additional 185 pounds. In an unrelated story, Oprah Winfrey's longtime boyfriend, Steadman, has not been seen in over a week.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Sparkle Plenty11:33 AM EST

    No way, Cousin Saul! In fact, I advise that all IANO readers just skip today's post and head on over to: http://blogs.ebay.com/paulmal. Again, for entertainment THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT, head to: http://blogs.ebay.com/paulmal.

    (P.S. Hoagy totally had the banana in his pocket so he could do the old routine: "Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" "It's a banana." Either that or he has a need for constant potassium. Perhaps both.)

    ReplyDelete
  6. I Ain't No Oprah12:25 PM EST

    Dear Sparkle,

    I don't think your PS was needed. It's a smart crowd. They 'got it' all by themselves.

    Except for the stupid ones.

    (I had a roll of dimes in my pocket)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Sparkle Plenty12:59 PM EST

    Dear IANO,

    You're just shamelessly buttering up your crowd so they won't defect to Cousin Saul--who is giving away free pizza and beer allllll day long on his blog (http://blogs.ebay.com/paulmal).

    (Was that parenthetical comment re: the roll of dimes REALLY necessary?)

    Love,
    Sparkle

    ReplyDelete
  8. I Ain't No Oprah1:29 PM EST

    (yes)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous1:39 PM EST

    I was "told" that it looked more like 50 cents in dimes.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Cake1:44 PM EST

    A roll of dimes, huh.

    Oh well, you know what they say...it's not the size of the wave, it's the motion of the ocean that counts.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I Ain't No Oprah2:08 PM EST

    Canadian dimes.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Sparkle Plenty3:31 PM EST

    Cousin Saul's blog has rolls of 1964 Kennedy half-dollars in its pockets (http://blogs.ebay.com/paulmal).

    (Parenthetical comments are stupid.)

    (Except for that one.)

    (And, uh. This one.)

    (And, Cake's earlier one.)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Cake3:42 PM EST

    (Is this one stupid?)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Sparkle Plenty3:50 PM EST

    (No, that one's a classic.)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Cake4:40 PM EST

    (Good!)

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anonymous5:17 PM EST

    They probably enjoy the Twilight series as well.

    ReplyDelete
  17. The Silver Fox5:24 PM EST

    (I have a true vampire story, but I'm not telling it to any of you. Actually, I told it to Cake, but -- BLOGGER CROSSOVER! -- she forgot it.)

    ReplyDelete
  18. Sparkle Plenty6:23 PM EST

    ("True vampire story" is oxymoronish. No faith in the fangs without the fangs in my neck is my motto.)

    (All mottos are stupid.)

    (Especially the ones in parens.)

    (Hey! Didn't that moron Damien/Damian think he was a vampire?)

    ReplyDelete
  19. The Silver Fox6:29 PM EST

    "Oxymoronish" or just "moronic?"

    Damien was a phony Satanist. I just called the women he was with "the Brides of Dracula."

    And what's this about wanting fangs in your neck?

    ReplyDelete
  20. Sparkle Plenty10:43 AM EST

    Oxymoronish!

    What did Bob Hope say to Bela Lugosi?

    YES! "Fangs for the Memories!"

    Rats. 10:43 and too much coffee already.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Lord Mark9:16 AM EDT

    Are you tired of being human, having talented brain turning to a vampire in a good posture in ten minutes, Do you want to have power and influence over others, To be charming and desirable, To have wealth, health, without delaying in a good human posture and becoming an immortal? If yes, these your chance. It's a world of vampire where life get easier,We have made so many persons vampires and have turned them rich, You will assured long life and prosperity, You shall be made to be very sensitive to mental alertness, Stronger and also very fast, You will not be restricted to walking at night only even at the very middle of broad day light you will be made to walk, This is an opportunity to have the human vampire virus to perform in a good posture. If you are interested contact us on Vampirelord7878@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete