Happy New Year.

First off, I'd wish for three more wishes.

Oh, wait...that's what I'd do with three wishes.

This is the New Year's resolutions post.

But New Year's resolutions are stupid.

But it's even more stupid to make fun of folks doing resolutions.

Yet even more stupid to tell someone what you'd do with three wishes.

I love when people tell you what they'd do with three wishes and the first thing they say is: "I'd wish for a million dollars!"

The smart wishers wish for 2 million dollars.

The super-duper smart wishers wish for more than that.

People that make resolutions are usually fat.

It's true.

I'm not passing judgement on you (you know who you are)...it's just a fact.

Thin folks rarely make resolutions. They just do things. Before the New Year.

Did you know gym memberships skyrocket in January?

Did you also know that attendance at gyms is lowest in February?

I wish I owned a gym in January.

Actually I wish I owned three gyms in January.

And had a million dollars. I mean two million dollars.

And three more wishes.

Or something.