Even a broken clock looks good twice a day. Or something.

Yesterday someone (Lois) kinda called me out for looking for bad pictures of Hillary.

(I wasn't aware there were any other kind)

So I went on a mission.

And found this.

Do I still feel like vomiting?

Of course.

But this picture aint bad. (I still know the evil is inside)

GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY!

Heil Hillary! (Crappy boss, hates dogs)

Great boss. Loved dogs.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,461612,00.html

Dan Blockers, Mod Rockers, Cock Blockers

(With special thanks to Maddog for the idea)

Muppet Maker, Hobbit Maker, Vomit Maker.

Shark, Jumping the Shark, Another shark with Christopher Walken.

Cabinet, Cabernet net (Cab net), New member of the Cabinet

One is for holding back the grapes, one is way too filled with junk, and the other is where you put your food and dishes.

Secretary, Secretariat, Secretary of State.

One of them smells like a horse and is well past the point that you would even consider riding them.

Or feeding them oats.

Or something.

Another installment of HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY COMPARE THEM THEATER: Butternut Squash Ravioli vs Devo's Whip It.

And in this corner we have Butternut Squash Ravioli...Fresh pasta stuffed with butternut squash, toasted crushed walnuts on top lightly drizzzled with butter and sage and then topped with freshly grated parmesan cheese.

It's a taste of heaven that doesn't leave you stuffed and bloated.

----------
And in this corner we have DEVO singing WHIP IT!

Possibly the most danceable song ever. Even those of us with no dancing skills can bop to the beat of Whip It without looking stupid...




AND THE WINNER AND STILL WORLD CHAMPION IS....

Who doesn't love a good old fashioned human stampede?

So yesterday, on Black Friday, tons of rampaging stampeding yahoos stormed through a Wal-Mart (Hell-Mart) and proceeded to kill a guy.

Sounds bad, correct?

But wouldn't you say the following bargains were worth the death of one temporary Wal-Mart clerk?

//////Items on sale at the Valley Stream Wal-Mart included a Samsung 50-inch Plasma HDTV for $798, a Bissel Compact Upright Vacuum for $28, a Samsung 10.2 megapixel digital camera for $69 and DVDs such as "The Incredible Hulk" for $9.//////

I mean let's get real for a second....The Incredible Hulk DVD for only nine dollars??

SO TO SUM UP:
$9.00 Hulk DVD=Death.

Snippets of conversation overheard at the I Aint No Oprah Family Thanksgiving.

WIFEY: "I hate Thanksgiving!"

------------

WIFEY: "Thank you for your help."

ME: "Thank YOU for YOUR help."

------------

YOUNGEST: "I nicknamed mine...Left and Right."

-----------

BROTHER-IN-LAW: "Wanna see my new Cadillac? I traded a shed for it."

----------

OLDEST TO AUNTIE: "You smell good."

ME: "That's because she just hugged me."

-----------

BROTHER-IN-LAW: "Why don't you come on a cruise with us?"

WIFEY: "I'm afraid of water."

----------

ME: "Did you know my buddy Maddog has never eaten pie or butternut squash."

-------------

YOUNGEST: "If it has seeds, it's a fruit."

ME: "What about butternut squash?"

YOUNGEST: "It's a fruit."

-----------

George Bush talks with a Chinese Turkey

BUSH: "Hello, Chinese Turkey!"

CHINESE TURKEY: "Hello Mr. President!"

BUSH: "So how are you doing this splendid day before Thanksgiving?"

CHINESE TURKEY: "I'm doing well....and you?

BUSH: "Dandy."

CHINESE TURKEY: "We don't have any kind of a bit going, do we?"

BUSH: "Nope...but we could if you talked in a funny chinese accent."

CHINESE TURKEY: "Wouldn't be funnier if we pulled the old switcheroo and YOU talked in a chinese accent?"

BUSH: "Nah."

CHINESE TURKEY: "Happy Thanksgiving!"

BUSH: "You too."

"Give me a hug."

ME: "Give me a hug."

WIFEY: "I'm not giving you a hug."

ME: "Why not??"

WIFEY: "You have dog all over you."

ME: "I don't have dog all over me."

WIFEY: "Well, you have 'Dog Aura' all over you."

------

SO TO SUM UP:

Someone has an unrational fear of dog fur.

Interview with The Chinese Guy

ME: "Hi, Chinese Guy, sorry I'm late!"

CHINESE GUY: "Hi."

ME: "How long were you waiting?"

CHINESE GUY: "Ten a minute."

ME: "How long can you stay and chat?"

CHINESE GUY: "Ten a minute."

ME: "Okay then we'll get right to it...Who is your favorite character from the Wizard of Oz?"

CHINESE GUY: "The Tin a Men."

ME: "No offense, but your breath kinda stinks...would you like a Certs?"

CHINESE GUY: "Ten a Mints!"

ME: "Back many years ago there was lots of trouble in your country with students protesting something...where was that again?"

CHINESE GUY: "Tiananmen."

ME: "Favorite Kevin Costner film?"

CHINESE GUY: "Tin a Cup"

ME: "This bit isn't working, is it?

CHINESE GUY: "Nope."

ME: "When were you aware it wasn't working?"

CHINESE GUY: "Ten a minutes ago."

ME: "Favorite animal actor?"

CHINESE GUY: "Rin a Tin a Tin"

ME: "Still not working, is it?"

CHINESE GUY: "Nope."

Possibly the dumbest thing I've ever written about.

The following is true. Not overly funny or even interesting.

But true.

I got the newest issue of National Geographic and there is an article about King Herod of Judea in it.

He was in power around 30 BC or so.

His first wife's name was Doris.

Doris??

(my first wife's name is Wifey)

John Lennon still claims he's bigger than Christ. So there.

http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory?id=6313228

Catholics are just so stupid. Incredibly stupid.

An Interview With Lee Harvey Oswald on the 45th anniversary of the Death of JFK

IANO: "Hi Lee! Whatcha been doing?"

LEE: "Just hangin' out alone."

IANO: "May I ask you some questions?"

LEE: "Go ahead...shoot."

IANO: "Who is your favorite football coach?"

LEE: "Chuck Knoll...Pittsburgh."

IANO: "Favorite John Wayne movie?"

LEE: "The Shootist."

IANO: "Why do you like being in one-man plays so much?"

LEE: "I like acting alone."

IANO: "Favorite family movie?"

LEE: "Home Alone."

IANO: "Favorite Jimmy Stewart movie?"

LEE: "Harvey."

IANO: "Favorite old TV show?"

LEE: "Dallas."

IANO: "Thank you for your time."

LEE: "Thank you."

Obama you stupid, stupid, moron.

I'm hideous.



I'm shrill!



I cause vomiting.


I'm repulsive.


I smell bad.


I have an engorged penis.



I have no womb.


I frighten children.


And dogs.


I'm a beast.



I don't shave my legs.



Though I do shave my balls.


Lesbians hate me because I'm such a pig.


I possibly had Vince Foster killed.


My middle name is Wretched Whore. Really.


I kill raccoons for sport and use their pelts for tampons.


Vomit was named for me.



So was BLECCH!


I have space spores on my genitals.


I am the cause of all that is bad in the world.


I've never done any good in my life.


I love the NY Yankees.


I could make the flu sick.