It should have been John Sterling of the Yankees

I win!

WIFEY: "Stay away from me...I don't want to get your cold."

The Jon Stewart Show

I'm going to share a bit from last nights Daily Show because you didn't watch it.

They were discussing Judge Souter and I guess the Judge stated that he had a GREAT job but in a crappy city.

At that point Jon Stewart wondered what would be a crappy job but in a great city...they came up with:

A Eunuch in Fuck Town.

I'm guessing you can come up with something better.

A prize is not involved.

I have a cold.

ME: "I have a cold."

WIFEY: "You have allergies."

ME: "I have a cold."

WIFEY: "You have allergies."

ME: "I have a cold."

WIFEY: "You have allergies."

ME: "I have a cold."

WIFEY: "You have allergies."

Screw In My Tire

I learned a few years ago on these blogs (from the long gone Momenger) that when something bad happens all you can really do about it is make up a country western song about it.

Here I am stealing that idea.

The name of the song is SCREW IN MY TIRE and it's sung in a twangy voice:

'There is a screw in my tire and I'm tired of screwin'.

I'm tired of being screwed.

There is a screw in my tire and boy am I screwed.

It's past 11:00 and I'm tired...a screw in my tire and I'm screwed.

Tired of being screwed...screwed and I'm tired and a screw in my tire and like it or not I'm screwed.

It's late on the road and my tire is screwed and I'm tired and tired and my tire has a screw in it.

So what'll I do with a screw in my tire especially when I'm so tired of being screwed?

I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired of being screwed.

How did this screw find it's way in my tire and how did I find myself so tired of being screwed?

I'm tired and screwed with a screw in my tire...what'll I do with that screw in my tire?

I'm tired of life and tired of screws.

In my tire.

I'm screwed and so is my tire.

There is a screw in my tire.

I'm screwed.

And I'm tired.'


-----------

And for those of you that were worried I had the screw taken out the next morning for $15.00.

Abraham Leakin'

(Used and stolen from Mad Magazine without permission)

Come on down and get some free comics and possibly Swine Flu!

Swine Flu makes things fun.

Microswine Flu

Give us your tired, your poor, but please...no more Mexicans!

Swine Flu? Swine Flu? I never heard of it.

We might die of Swine Flu but dammit...we're gonna look stylish while couging up blood and pork.

Brits hunker down for Swine Flu invasion! (and possibly Nazis)

MadCow takes no chances.

Scientists still baffled on the origins of Swine Flu

Chewbacca (sounds like chew tobacco)

So last night me and Wifey are sitting around watching TV (for a change)and I decided I needed some quality time with her.

So I didn't fast-forward thru the commercials.

I went over and sat next to her on the couch.

We just started goofing around and somehow her fingers ended up in my ears and I must have laughed.

Or something.

Here is the convertsation that followed:

WIFEY: "You're Chewbacca!"

ME: "I have hairy ears?"

WIFEY: "No...you sound like him."

----------

SO TO SUM UP

Is it better to sound like Chewbacca or to have hairy ears like Chewbacca?

I think it's a riddle that will perplex mankind for generations to come.

Written on the calendar at home (by two different hands)

APRIL 28: 'Oldest daughter, birthday'

APRIL 29: 'Roger Clemens struck out 20 batters in 1986'

So to sum up:
My daughter was born the day before Roger Clemens struck out 20 batters and I'll never forget it.

And then they came for me...

Swine Flu. Swine Flu.

Pandemic!

Flee! Run!

People dying! Quarantine!

Face masks!

Swine Flu! Swine Flu!

And blah blah blah.

We're all kinda making fun of it as it's just another over-blown media hype job.

Or is it?

All of sudden Swine Flu is impacting me.

How so? You ask.

http://www.icv2.com/articles/news/14836.html

Do a copy and paste of that URL

THE HORROR!! THE HORROR!!

SWINE FLU!! It's here and it's a killer!!

(And a random picture of Spock smoking weed)

I have some bad news.

This guy just got the Bird Flu.



And this dude just came down with The Asian Flu.




And these broads have Swine Flu.




It's a mixed-up topsy turvy world we live in.

Or something.

Arlen Specter

Now an even bigger douchebag.

(And what kinda name is 'Arlen' for a man?)