Hungry, Hungry Hitler

Love my Good and Plenty!

The universe always balances out

Yes, the children of Somalia are starving.

But they get to live in swinging bowls.

What do you think Hoag will wear tonight?

a simple thank you.

I'll keep this simple today.

I'd like to thank the disabled veterans.

For the free address labels I get each year.

God Bless America.

The oxen are free.

I have two daughters.

One is 21 years old, the other is 25 years old.

They came over to the house the other night just to hang out.

At one point in the evening Wifey got up to use the bathroom.

Here is what happened next:

ME: (in my whisper voice) "Hey, quick! Hide on your mother!!"

They instantly got up and ran behind the couch in the family room.

I could hear the hushed laughter as they became 4 and 8 again.

---
EPILOGUE:

WIFEY: "Where are the girls?"

ME: "They got a call and had to leave."

Wifey calls it 'dog' when what she really means is dog fur

So I come home last night and give the signal to Wifey to give me a hug.

WIFEY: "No, you have dog all over you!"

ME: "I don't have dog all over me!"

But I take my shirt off anyhow (I still have a t-shirt on...calm down) and throw it on the counter and give the hug signal.

WIFEY: "NO! Now there is dog near the fruit!!"

ME: "No dog near the fruit."

So I take the shirt off the counter and toss it on the kitchen island. I give the hug signal.

WIFEY: "No! Now there is dog near the candle!

----

All the while the actual dog was just sitting on the floor.

A Minute To Win It

So there is this game show on tv called A MINUTE TO WIN IT.

They have different skill type games for the contestants to do in one minute to win money.

The more tasks they complete, the more money they earn.

Usually they team up two people (usually hot sisters with cleavage)

I'm watching the other night. One contestant is doing the skill game of blowing ping pong balls onto a dish (or something equally lame)

The teammate watches and screams encouragement.

Here is what the teammate screamed as the clock ticked down the sixty seconds:

Dr.UnclearOnTheConcept: "Now just take your time!!!"

---

A Minute To Win It.

Elvis aint the retard

So I have a regular 'customer' that is an actual retarded (Special Olympian) guy.

Here is the conversation I had with him today:

TARD: "Who is you favorite Beatle?"

ME: "Ummmm...Ringo."

TARD: "I like Ringo."

ME: "Who is your favorite Elvis Presley?"

TARD: "Ummmm....Elvis."

ME: "Mine also."

Congrats to a friend of mine and her new baby!

Out of context snippet about Congressman Wu from Oregon

'Photos surfaced of Wu looking red-faced and deranged while wearing a fuzzy orange tiger costume and staffers said they received rambling emails that appeared to be written by Wu's children but were actually written by him.'

RIP Amy Winehouse

Norway still in shock after massacre.

I'm on a lobster roll!

So last night I went out with some friends to the movies.

Before said movies I had a lobster roll.

When I got home Wifey was still up. Here is the conversation we had:

ME: "I had a lobster roll."

WIFEY: "I'm glad for you."

ME: "YOU'RE NOT GLAD FOR ME AT ALL!!"

WIFEY: "I am!"

ME: "Liar. I think you're jealous."

WIFEY: "Whatever."

We're having a heatwave, a tropical heatwave...

So there is a heatwave going on.

In the summer!

The above picture is (was) on msnbc.com

Look at the picture.

Dramatic, huh?

I would guess that maybe 180 million-240 million Americans are feeling the heatwave.

And msnbc.com finds the one guy drinking from a gigantic barrel.

Nobody else in all of the 50 states is scarffin' down water out of a barrel.

The heatwave hasn't screwed up our faucets. We have tons of clean fresh water.

Most people have air conditioning.

Most people are drinking water out of glasses or 12 ounce bottles.

Joco's

This place is across the street from where I work.

Every so often I look outside and see Joco's.

At a glance the sign looks like it says 'Tacos'.

SO TO SUM UP:

I want tacos.

Paint Chips

So we're having our house painted. The outside.

So we do what any normal people would do.

We get paint chips!

Lots and lots of paint chips.

And we start picking out colors.

And then I notice Benjamin Moore's disclaimer. Paraphrased.

"Color on paint chip does not necessarily match color of actual paint."

What???

The paint chip has ONE purpose in life!! TO. MATCH. THE. COLOR. OF. THE. ACTUAL. PAINT.

As a nation we can pretend to land men on the moon but we can't match paint color to a cardboard chip????

This whole courtroom is out of order!!!

(The courtroom is done in a nice Cayman Lagoon)

The Paul McCartney Review.

I guess Paul played at Yankee Stadium the other night.

I read a review about it in the NY Post.

They said he played some solo stuff, some Beatles songs, and some Wings songs.

Wow.

I never would have guessed that.