I Ain't No Oprah

KID: "Look...Conan O'Brien has his own comic!" DAD: "Different Conan....that's the barbarian." KID: "Hu...

So this homeless guy is standing outside of my shop. Long beard. Dirty clothes. Flood pants. Flip-flops on his filthy feet. Long f...

CUSTOMER: "Do you have the tin dog from Doctor Who?" ME: "Sorry...we're all sold out of the tin dog."

So who won the race?

ME: "Roger Ebert died." POSSIBLY CLINKY: "Was he the fat one or the bald one?"

A lady comes in today. Here is the conversation. LADY: "Do you have any low numbered tables? ME: "A what?" LADY: ...

GAL: "Hey look, Marge....records! Remember these?" MARGE: "Yes." GAL: "What did we call them?" MARGE:  ...

So I'm flipping thru an old issue of The Incredible Hulk  and in it is a panel of The Hulk kinda talking to himself. He says something...

GUY: "Hi...do you know where I can get a key made?" ME: "Yes...there is a locksmith four blocks down THAT way." GUY:...

I was reading an article today about snack time at the White House. The article featured the above picture. A picture of a little boy ...

GUY: "There used to be a pawn store around here...do you know where it is?" ME: "They closed years ago." GUY: "...

Last night we went out to eat with another couple.   One of my favorite things to do in a restaurant is eat.   One of my other fa...

My Mom died in 2004. This past week I got some mail addressed to her. On the envelope in BOLD letters it stated: OPEN IMMEDIATELY...TI...

  The couple shown above died this morning on the way to the hospital to deliver their first baby.   The baby survived.   I...

Two elephants are sitting in a bathtub. The first elephant says to the other: "Please pass the soap." The other elephant repli...

My top was made of the finest white cotton blends by H'anes of North Carolina. My lower half was covered by a durable blue denim desig...