I Ain't No Oprah

So last night Hoag was away. He was at dinner before a concert. I was also at a concert but somewhere else. We texted back and forth. ...

1. His real first name is: Alastair. 2. You don't need to know anything else.

So this guy comes in the other day. Here is the conversation: GUY: "That chapstick stuff is a scam." ME: "How do you figu...

MAN: "I don't like dinosaurs...I only like comic books and vampires.."

Across the street from my business is a fortune teller, tarot card reader, palm reader, mind reader gal. She has a business and people go ...

So I go into a liquor store this morning. I needed six shot glasses. Here is the conversation with a clerk: ME: "Do you have si...

   

So the other night my once future wife was over the house. We'll call her TOOTS. She had a few glasses of wine. Wifey had a few ...

Yesterday a couple came into my shop and the guy was looking at higher end robots (Gundam) to purchase. He was on the fence about his p...

Hoag used to do this on a regular basis.  I did it for the first time last night. I was on my way home and driving thru my neighborhood ...

I'm not sure if he's a he. I'm not sure if he's a private detective. It could be an illness. A trendy gluten free meal...

So most nights at home Wifey and I watch TV together. We sit on the same couch. I'm on the good side...she's on the lame side....

WIFEY: "You're a good wife." ME: "Thank you."

So me and Hoag are looking at some recent photographs and there was one of him where he kinda looked fat. Here is the conversation that ...

ME: "I wish you had a tail." DAUGHTER:  "Me too."