I Ain't No Oprah

Riveting, huh?

So I was talking to a friend yesterday about the coming election. Here is that conversation: ME: "So if the election was today and ...

CUSTOMER: "Do you remember me?" ME: "No...what's your name?" CUSTOMER: "Soon it will be....Black Tiger!...

I'm outside the other day in front of my workplace clearing some snow. Sweeping the sidewalk. Etc. I look around...across the street a...

ANYBODY: "So....what did you do last night?" ME: "I watched TV." Simple, right? WRONG!! Ask someone under 30 wha...

GUY: "You smell like beer." ME: "I just had a beer with lunch." GUY: "What did you have for lunch?" ME: ...

A male porn star is out in his yard raking leaves when he spots his neighbor outside. They start talking about this and that...small talk mo...

This morning I was writing out a few checks to suppliers when I noticed I was running low on blank checks. I went to the little box I keep...

CUSTOMER: "Is today Batman Day?" ME: "No...yesterday was." CUSTOMER: "What is today?" ME: "Thursday...

So about an hour ago a priest came into my shop. He was young...maybe early 30s. First time in. We started taking about toys and stuff. We...

MOM TO DAUGHTER: "So just look around the store, pick out what you want, and I'll order it from Amazon." ME:  "You do k...

A woman in her late sixties came in my shop the other day. Here is that conversation. WOMAN: "Hello...do you have balls?" ME: ...

In my shop I'm selling a leather jacket. A guy came in the other day and started looking at it. Touching it. Asking about it. Here i...

I was away over the weekend and I saw this dude. So did thousands of other people as they walked by. Most people pretended he was invisibl...

Sometimes at my shop people will ask to use the bathroom. The vast majority of them use it the way it's supposed to be used. But I...