So I was at Fenway Park yesterday to see my beloved Red Sox and I decided to write some open letters to some of the folks I saw:
Dear Fat WhiteGuy with the Michael Jordan #23 tank top on,
Please don't wear that tank top again. Nobody thought you were Michael Jordan and just looking at your hairy, acne scarred body made it difficult to eat.
Love,
Iaintnooprah
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Dear FatBroad with the belly shirt,
Enough. Okay?
Love,
Iaintnooprah
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Dear PrettyGal with the David Ortiz shirt on and HandsomeGuy with the Manny Ramirez shirt on that were holding hands,
You're a lovely couple and seem in love....I just want you both to know that that image is now burned into my brain and all I can think of is Big Papi and Manny holding hands as they stroll through the streets of Boston.
Love,
Iaintnooprah
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Dear Family in front of me,
Can you please just stop eating for at least an inning? Maybe a half an inning?
Thank you,
Iaintnooprah
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Dear Red Sox Management,
I really don't care what you charge for anything, but $22.00 for a cheese pizza kinda cracked me up.
Love,
Iaintnooprah
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Dear DrunkGuy slightly to my left,
Very impressive the amount of beer you can drink. I'm guessing the ladies dig you.
Love,
Iaintnooprah
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Dear KidWithSign next to me,
Having a sign read: HIT IT HERE while sitting in foul territory is kinda stupid. I'm guessing you are kinda stupid also. GO RED SOX and REMDAWG!!!
Love,
Iaintnooprah
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Dear HotGIrl with Pink Hat,
My phone number is KLondike-0444
Love,
Steve
_________________________________________
Oh, the humanity!
ReplyDeleteDear Person In Front of Me In The Burger King Drive-Thru,
ReplyDeleteYou've been looking at that menu for about five minutes now. I know, you're looking for the wine list and the specials.
Let me help you out. There is NO wine list. There are NO specials. EVER. It's the same crap food, day in, day out.
Please order your whopper and fries so I can get my son his damn kids meal.
Your welcome!
Your Pal,
Lois.
Dear guy in the car behind me during rush hour,
ReplyDeleteDude we can all totally see you picking your nose!!! Do you think your windows are tinted, or do you just not care that your a disgusting slob?
P.S. Thanks for at least not eating it.
Dear family/group of friends sitting on my left (with the aisle on my right),
ReplyDeleteHow about getting up as a group once instead of getting up for food and bathroom individually so that I have to get up every 5 fucking minutes?
Dear NoOprah,
ReplyDeleteThank you for ruining the image of two Red Sox Legends by posting your experiences.
Now that your obviously mutant brain has been scarred by imagining Manny and Papi holding hands, we all greatly appreciate your implantation of this very same image in our brains.
Thank you, also, for the imagery of fat people in belly shirts, and acne scars on fat white guy's back.
Also, if you're going to discuss hot chicks in pink hats, we would greatly appreciate high resolution pictures.
We'll need those pic to get the horrific imagery out of our minds.
-graf
bostongraf,
ReplyDeletehere's apretty lady in a Sox hat. Enjoy:
[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v285/mcfitch/IMG_1013.jpg[/IMG]
Uh, so I guess you can't imbed images. Oh well, here's the URL:
ReplyDeletehttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v285/mcfitch/IMG_1013.jpg
Dear Monday:
ReplyDeleteWhy aren't you over yet?
Sincerely,
Cake
Dear Boston Ace,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the tease. The link doesn't work.
It's a good thing you don't work in validation for a technology company!
-graf
bostongraf,
ReplyDeleteI don't know what you're talking about.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v285/mcfitch/pinky_Redsox.jpg
Free Tibet
ReplyDeleteYou've made it, Ain'tNoOprah, you're in the Big Time - the spammers have found you. Congratulations!
ReplyDelete::raises a glass::