Monday, June 12, 2006

The Fenway Letters

So I was at Fenway Park yesterday to see my beloved Red Sox and I decided to write some open letters to some of the folks I saw:

Dear Fat WhiteGuy with the Michael Jordan #23 tank top on,

Please don't wear that tank top again. Nobody thought you were Michael Jordan and just looking at your hairy, acne scarred body made it difficult to eat.

Love,
Iaintnooprah
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Dear FatBroad with the belly shirt,

Enough. Okay?

Love,
Iaintnooprah
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Dear PrettyGal with the David Ortiz shirt on and HandsomeGuy with the Manny Ramirez shirt on that were holding hands,

You're a lovely couple and seem in love....I just want you both to know that that image is now burned into my brain and all I can think of is Big Papi and Manny holding hands as they stroll through the streets of Boston.

Love,
Iaintnooprah
_____________________________________________________

Dear Family in front of me,

Can you please just stop eating for at least an inning? Maybe a half an inning?

Thank you,
Iaintnooprah

_____________________________________________________

Dear Red Sox Management,

I really don't care what you charge for anything, but $22.00 for a cheese pizza kinda cracked me up.

Love,
Iaintnooprah
________________________________________________

Dear DrunkGuy slightly to my left,

Very impressive the amount of beer you can drink. I'm guessing the ladies dig you.

Love,
Iaintnooprah
_____________________________________________-

Dear KidWithSign next to me,

Having a sign read: HIT IT HERE while sitting in foul territory is kinda stupid. I'm guessing you are kinda stupid also. GO RED SOX and REMDAWG!!!

Love,
Iaintnooprah
_________________________________________

Dear HotGIrl with Pink Hat,

My phone number is KLondike-0444

Love,
Steve
_________________________________________

12 comments:

  1. Dear Person In Front of Me In The Burger King Drive-Thru,

    You've been looking at that menu for about five minutes now. I know, you're looking for the wine list and the specials.

    Let me help you out. There is NO wine list. There are NO specials. EVER. It's the same crap food, day in, day out.

    Please order your whopper and fries so I can get my son his damn kids meal.

    Your welcome!

    Your Pal,
    Lois.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous1:49 PM EDT

    Dear guy in the car behind me during rush hour,
    Dude we can all totally see you picking your nose!!! Do you think your windows are tinted, or do you just not care that your a disgusting slob?

    P.S. Thanks for at least not eating it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous2:09 PM EDT

    Dear family/group of friends sitting on my left (with the aisle on my right),
    How about getting up as a group once instead of getting up for food and bathroom individually so that I have to get up every 5 fucking minutes?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Dear NoOprah,
    Thank you for ruining the image of two Red Sox Legends by posting your experiences.

    Now that your obviously mutant brain has been scarred by imagining Manny and Papi holding hands, we all greatly appreciate your implantation of this very same image in our brains.

    Thank you, also, for the imagery of fat people in belly shirts, and acne scars on fat white guy's back.

    Also, if you're going to discuss hot chicks in pink hats, we would greatly appreciate high resolution pictures.

    We'll need those pic to get the horrific imagery out of our minds.
    -graf

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous2:35 PM EDT

    bostongraf,
    here's apretty lady in a Sox hat. Enjoy:

    [IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v285/mcfitch/IMG_1013.jpg[/IMG]

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous2:36 PM EDT

    Uh, so I guess you can't imbed images. Oh well, here's the URL:

    http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v285/mcfitch/IMG_1013.jpg

    ReplyDelete
  7. Dear Monday:

    Why aren't you over yet?

    Sincerely,

    Cake

    ReplyDelete
  8. Dear Boston Ace,

    Thanks for the tease. The link doesn't work.

    It's a good thing you don't work in validation for a technology company!

    -graf

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous3:17 PM EDT

    bostongraf,
    I don't know what you're talking about.

    http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v285/mcfitch/pinky_Redsox.jpg

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous5:01 PM EDT

    Free Tibet

    ReplyDelete
  11. You've made it, Ain'tNoOprah, you're in the Big Time - the spammers have found you. Congratulations!

    ::raises a glass::

    ReplyDelete