There isn't much worse than sitting through a Catholic Mass. The same droning priests saying the same thing Mass after Mass after Mass. Sit down. Stand up. Sit down. Stand up. The fake mumbo jumbo Latin singing crap....I once even had a priest tell me that the wine was the ACTUAL blood of Christ and that the communion wafer was the ACTUAL body of Christ...(but I'll save that for a blog I'll title Retard Priests) Sit down. Stand up. Sit down. Stand up.
Just put a bullet in my head or play the game me and Hoag play to keep our sanity. Keep in mind the game is better at a wedding mass than at a funeral mass.
The rules are very simple, when the priest tells everyone to sit down just remain standing as long as possible. For years we've been playing this game and I ALWAYS win. Around the 3 second mark The Hoag starts to flinch...maybe a bead of sweat forms. I have him. There's not much better than when I can see him out of the corner of my eye a few pews away start to sit down. I usually stand for at least another second just to rub it in as I know he's jealously watching. The current record is slightly over the five-second mark. Don't laugh at five seconds....five seconds standing up while the whole church is sitting is gut wrenching. Wifey is pleading for me to sit down, kids are covering their faces in embarrassment, maybe a chuckle in the back from a Janet or a Karen. Victory is mine!
Try it. It makes Catholic Church fun!
I avoid going to church whenever possible because I'm pretty sure it's only a matter of time until I go up in flames in the middle of a service, unbaptized heathen that I am.
ReplyDelete(It'd be easier to avoid if people stopped getting married and dying, though. Damn inconsiderate.)
Nine years of catholic school and I never tried this.
ReplyDeleteToo bad I don't attend mass anymore.
Nine years...*shudder*
Ok-
ReplyDeleteI'll fess up. I've copied that game from you (giving you full credit of course). My kids love it.
My oldest daughter recently attended her first funeral as a semi adult (13) and was completely pissed that the priest talked about Jesus more than the dead lady. And she said the music sucked.
As you can see, I'm raising deeply spiritual children.
As for the wine and the bread being the "real thing...." You find me a Catholic priest who DOESN'T believe that, then I'll find you Jimmy Hoffa's body. And Elvis, wherever he's hiding.
There is no Hoagy; you made him up.
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