So one day I'm driving to work and I get this incredible craving for an Almond Joy bar. I call it a Craving Deluxe. I couldn't think of anything else...my eyes are scanning the road for a place to buy me some AJ bars. I'm careening all over the road...I ran over two children (I'm lying about the careening and running over of children) but I'll pretty much do anything at this point for a delicious Almond Joy bar. Or two. Finally after nearly 1/4 of a mile of driving I find a convenience store and my bounty awaits (I've always wanted to use the phrase 'my bounty awaits')
I rush inside and buy two Almond Joy bars with maybe a quick glance at the Mounds bar. I get in my car, drive off and eat two of the most wonderful creations god ever made.
I get to work and the craving is gone. WHEW!
The day goes by without incident until I get back in my car for the drive home. I HAVE TO HAVE THAT MOUNDS BAR I LEFT BEHIND!!!! I want you delicious coconut covered in dark chocolate. I want you BAD! I start my search. Finally after at least a 1/3 of a mile of driving all over town I find you. I buy three of you puppies and wolf you down (not actual puppies...Mounds Bars) I get home and the craving goes back into sleep mode.
This scenario repeats itself for the entire week. Almond Joys in the morning, Mounds at night. I AM A COCONUT JUNKIE!!! It's a disease. It has to be.
About a week later I meet up with Hoag and he gets in my car and says: "So...did you find those coconut air fresheners I left in your car?"
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Be thankful Hoag didn't leave an air freshener that smelled of raccoon.
IANO tip of the day:
Check out that Gene Simmons Family Jewels show on A&E. It's kinda fun.
"I'm lying about the careening and running over of children"
ReplyDeleteI love that you had to clarify that no road rules were broken and no children were squashed during the coconut-chocolate-bar quest.
For some reason, that just cracks me up!
If it was a Heroin air freshener, you may well have been careening and running over children.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it nice that Hoagy looks out for you?
Mr. Bill " I can't keep my pants on" Clinton claims that Hoagy put a Paula Jones air-freshener in the White House. It must be a disease...not a personal irresponsibilty trait. Hmmmm....but dark chocolate.....mmmmm.
ReplyDeleteI love the air fresheners that smell like pine and are in the shape of a pine tree drawn by a 4 year old retard.
ReplyDelete"Look honey, folks will think we have a real pine tree hanging from our mirror"
Tard.
Poor Mel -- apparently his air fresheners smell like tequila and anti-Semites!
ReplyDeleteDouchebag.
I love "I can't keep my pants on" Clinton. I'd Lewinsky him anyday.
ReplyDeletePhil Donahue's Niece:
ReplyDeleteYou don't want your car to smell like the bridge of the U.S.S. Enterprise?
You're so uncool.
mmmm...Chinese Food scented air fresheners...
ReplyDeleteI had a bacon air freshener (no joke) unfortunately it didn't smell like bacon. Though it was supposed to.
ReplyDelete