The breaking news this morning seems to be that British Intelligence has uncovered a terrorist plot that involves airplanes flying out of London with targets possibly in the United States.
Logan Airport in Boston has increased security and brought in the National Guard. They suggest showing up for your flight at least 2 hours before departure (3 hours if it's an international flight)
A new list of banned carry-on items can be found at www.massport.com (or is it .gov, or .org?) One of the items is hair gel. Can you imagine attacking a city from an airplane with hair gel? It would be messier than a butter fight! If they ban hair gel then the stylists have really won. Or lost. Or something.
Authorities believe the attacks were being planned by 'traditional' terrorists but have not yet ruled out Snakes on a Plane and Mel Gibson working in tandem.
The Democrats support anything to thwart the threat until the threat is actually thwarted and then they will complain about Bush thwarting said threat.
Here are some of the banned items:
ReplyDeletePASSENGERS MAY NOT HAVE LIQUIDS OR GELS OF ANY SIZE AT THE SCREENING CHECKPOINT OR IN THE CABIN OF THE AIRCRAFT. THIS LIST INCLUDES: Beverages, Shampoo, Suntan Lotion, Creams, Toothpaste, Hair Gels, and other items of similar consistency. Such items may be transported in checked baggage”
Please God....don't let me die from toothpaste.
Can you really slit a guys throat with tootpaste?
Are they trying to keep people from sneaking on napalm, or molotov cocktails? I'm sure there's a reason foir this, I just can't really think of one.
ReplyDeleteI think its the flouride....scientists have been been warning the public for years about flouride.
ReplyDeleteIt's as deadly as cotton balls.
No shampoo?? Ahh, damn. I wanted to be part of the Mile High Hairwashing Club...
ReplyDeleteI already am.
ReplyDeleteWhat's the fine print say? Can I still get membership if I soap my hair up on the ground and then just rinse it out on the plane?
ReplyDeleteToothpaste On A Plane.
ReplyDeleteNow THERE is a movie I want to see...
You know, I'm beginning to think that those terrorists don't want us to have any fun at all.
ReplyDeleteDenying a person their hair gel on an airplane? That's just downright cruel.
"Mmmmmmmm....I love the taste of this explosive baby formula, tastes just like that explosive chicken...."
ReplyDeleteBut I didn't notice snakes on the list of banned items.
ReplyDeleteSnakes are allowed, as long as they don't bring on hair gel. Which is sad, because no one likes to see a poorly coiffed snake.
ReplyDeleteTrue,
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing more heatwrenching than seeing an ungroomed reptile.
Note to NoOprah:
ReplyDeleteIt's illegal to make jokes about bombs/explosives/snakes at a security checkpoint, just so you know.
Note to everyone else:
Don't travel with NoOprah. He's one trip from a one-way ticket to scenic Guantanamo Bay.
But imagine having to taste YOUR OWN breast milk? What could mothers possibly be producing-nipple napalm?
ReplyDelete"It's Nippleicious!"
ReplyDeleteFair warning Cake. But he'd be the kind of guy who spend his entire "visit" trying to figure out of you can actually flush a Quaran down the toilet-he'd amuse himself somehow.
ReplyDeleteIt's kill or be kicked!
ReplyDeleteAnd then, once released, he'd sell tee-shirts that said "nooprah went to Guantanamo Bay and all I got was was a stupid story about how the Quaran is unflushable."
ReplyDeleteI just saw the following on CNN.com (really)
ReplyDelete>>>Plotters were to carry a "British version of Gatorade," detonate it with iPod or cell phone, source says<<<<
WHAT THE FREAK IS IN THE BRITISH VERSION!!!!???????
Tea?
ReplyDeleteNawh. It's a pint of lager. Not that anything edible or drinkable in Britain is worth discussing.
ReplyDeleteHow does it explode?
ReplyDeleteI don't remember-my days in the Marine Corps are ancient history.
ReplyDeleteWhy don't you go to www.askaterrorist.com? (Just remember to mention Allah-they get pissed when you forget).
Tea's actually very explosive in the right concentration. Something about the tannins...?
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing there are thousands of terrorists lining our beaches every weekend...them with their i-pods and gatorade just a tannin' and a waitin'...
ReplyDelete...which is good, because no one likes to see a pale terrorist.
ReplyDeleteI hope they washed their swim suits before staking out our beaches..
ReplyDeleteWhy do they want to apply hair gel to our beaches anyhow? I forget.
ReplyDeleteHair gel causes tsunamis.
ReplyDeleteI think.
BASTARDS!!
ReplyDelete"them with their i-pods and gatorade just a tannin' and a waitin'"
ReplyDeleteOH DAMN! My gym is full of terrorists!!!
(I'm lying, I've never been to a gym)
You wanna not go to the gym together sometime?
ReplyDeleteI think the terrorists are burying mousetraps in the sand of our lovely beaches...
ReplyDeleteIt's almost unimaginable what lengths they'll go to.
That was Hoagy.
ReplyDeleteAnd I hope bacon ace is a gal, nooprah.
ReplyDeleteGuys NEVER invite other guys to the gym with them, unless they're my ex.
Bacon Ace is a guy and I invited him NOT to go to the gym with me.
ReplyDeleteI've never been to a gym either.
Yeah yeah-blame EVERYTHING on Hoagy. Maybe your name should be iaintnooprahbutimaybeamuhammed.
ReplyDeleteCan you read that? Because I can't and I just wrote it.
Oh. My stupid "I can't read" gene is kicking in.
ReplyDeleteIf we can't bring hair gel on airplanes, then Hoagy wins!
ReplyDelete...
I'm gonna not go to the gym now.
Can I not come to the gym, too? I'll bring booze.
ReplyDeleteI don't go to the gym at least twice a day! It's hard work, I tell you.
ReplyDeleteThere's NOTHING better than not going to the gym-I'll bring the shrimp cocktail.
ReplyDeleteWhat exactly does Hoagy win? 10 free passes to NOT go to the gym?
ReplyDelete47 comments nooprah-I think that's a record for you. Let's shoot for 50.
ReplyDeleteLet's see...what rhymes with "terrorist?"
(besides "orange")
Fairorist. (Someone who goes to the fair a lot.)
ReplyDeletePhil Donahue's Niece, didja wanna not go to the gym with us? We're setting up at Lois's house (she's still got that jacuzzi in the livingroom, after all).
ReplyDeleteCake,
ReplyDelete"Fairorist" just cracked me up! I think I'm going to become one.
Oooh, let's do that after we don't go to the gym, okay?
ReplyDeleteC'mon over.
ReplyDeleteI'm up to not doing 150 sit-ups, a personal best. And you're just in time for the 10 foot dash to the kitchen for more wine.
No, wait. A dash might get me winded. Make that a 10 yard stroll.
BELLS CHIMING!!! Regis and Kelly just announced that you surpassed the 50 Response Goal!!!!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations nooprah!!!! I'm not exactly sure what you're going to win or anything, but who cares?
How's it feel to be a Contender? Or a Blog Idol?
I think you deserve 15 tacos and some popcorn chicken on the ride home.
I wonder what popcorn chicken baked in a brownie would taste like?
ReplyDeleteWe'd have to be careful not to use the explosive kind of popcorn chicken, though.
"popcorn chicken baked in a brownie"
ReplyDeleteNow that you *definitely* can't take on a plane. Unless you smuggle it inside a snake.
What about coconut inside a tube of hair gel....would that explode or just taste delicious?
ReplyDeleteDid Hoagy hide a coconut hair gel tube in your car?
ReplyDelete