Saturday, August 12, 2006

I have scientific data to back this up.

Other than robbery victims I'm guessing that most people that get murdered are jerks.

Why else would someone want to kill them?

Bonnie Blakley? Jerk.

Nicole Simpson? Jerk

JFK? Jerk

Lee Harvey Oswald? Jerk

Scott Peterson's wife and unborn baby? Jerks.

Okay so maybe my theory has some holes in it....but for the most part we're....ummmm....I'm mean they... aren't killing nice people.

So I just want to go on the record and thank all of the murderers of jerks.

Thank you Jerk Killers!
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11 comments:

  1. Cake11:11 AM EDT

    Excellent, so nobody will ever murder me since I'm not a jerk?

    I think I'll have dinner in the bad part of town tonight, then. Awesome...

    ReplyDelete
  2. I Ain't No Oprah11:56 AM EDT

    Not so fast there Mr. Cake...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous12:16 PM EDT

    I'm a jerk, and nobody's ever murdered me. Not that I can remember, anyway

    ReplyDelete
  4. I Ain't No Oprah12:20 PM EDT

    Dear Momenger,

    Though you're still alive and haven't been murdered the Bush Adminstration has uncovered numerous plots to end your life.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Cake1:13 PM EDT

    Mr. Cake!?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous1:42 PM EDT

    Dear nooprah,

    Well, they sure are a crack team in the murder business, since I've done pretty much the same thing everyday for about 10 years.

    Did they hire Barney Fife to murder me?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous1:49 PM EDT

    Cake,

    I think you should put out a hit on nooprah just for calling you "Mr." Cake. I'll chip in since he used my daughter's cd as a coaster (even though my daughter found that to be quite amusing)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous2:19 PM EDT

    Whoa nooprah-you are in BIG LEAGUE trouble now.

    Rule # 1" NEVER coment on a woman's weight. Especially thighs. And you know that.

    I'd watch my back if I were you-Cake probably has an awful lot of state of the art well sharpened knives in her kitchen.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I Ain't No Oprah2:28 PM EDT

    I didn't say anything about Cake's thighs.

    See? Nothing up there...

    ReplyDelete
  10. Cake2:34 PM EDT

    Ahh, he made a weight crack and then cowardly deleted it, huh? Hmmm.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Cake2:35 PM EDT

    Dear Miss NoOprah:

    I'd stay away from the windows if I were you. Oh, and don't worry, the brakes on your car work just fine.

    ::whistles innocently::

    Yours truly,

    Cake

    ReplyDelete