On my way home last night I decided to stop and get some fast food (love me the fast food)...so I place my order with the mutant at the counter...here is how it went:
MUTANT: What would you like?
NON-MUTANT: 6 tacos, a small popcorn chicken, and a small drink.
MUTANT: We don't have small drinks.
NON-MUTANT: You're sold out?
MUTANT: No...we don't carry small drinks...just medium and large.
NON-MUTANT: What is the smallest size you have?
MUTANT: Medium.
NON-MUTANT: If that's the smallest size why isn't it called small?
MUTANT: Because it's medium.
NON-MUTANT: Define medium.
MUTANT: In between small and large. (I was very impressed with her and this statement)
NON-MUTANT: So why don't you have small?
MUTANT: Nobody wants small.
NON-MUTANT: I do.
MUTANT: We don't have small.
NON-MUTANT: May I order a medium and just fill it up half way?
MUTANT: I don't know...let me check with the manager.
NON-MUTANT: I hope he's small.
MUTANT: Huh?
NON-MUTANT: Nevermind...I'll have a medium coke.
MUTANT: We don't have Coke.
NON-MUTANT: May I have a medium cola?
MUTANT: Is Pepsi okay?
NON-MUTANT: Pepsi Cola?
MUTANT: Huh?
NON-MUTANT: Pepsi would be fine.
Moral of the story:
Tacos and popcorn chicken for dinner is awesome.
I'm glad the popcorn chicken came in small! Phew...disaster narrowly averted.
ReplyDeleteI would love to hear your discussions with the "people" working the counter at Starbucks!
ReplyDeleteHere's how I think that would go:
ReplyDeleteNoOprah: "I'd like a small coffee, please."
Starbucks Clone: "Tall?"
NoOprah: "Small."
Clone: "Tall."
NoOprah: "No, small. Small."
Clone: "Yup, tall. Got it. What kind of coffee?"
NoOprah: ::stares:: "Small. Regular coffee."
Clone: "Tall. And what kind of coffee?"
NoOprah: "Fine, tall. Coffee. Regular."
Clone: "Non-fat milk, milk, skim milk, soy milk, whole milk, 2% milk, or chocolate milk?"
NoOprah: ::spontaneously combusts::
SIX tacos? I'm speechless.
ReplyDeleteAnd nobody said "Fast Food" came with "Fast Employees."
Dude! You had her when she said "between small and large." How could it be between small and large if there's no small? Or you could have said "I'd like a tiny coke."
ReplyDeleteOkay NoOprah, you and I have had this conversation at an actual KFC/ Taco Bell combo store before; I cannot mix the menus.
ReplyDeleteI love Taco bell, and I love KFC, btu I simply cannot order items from both menus in one visit. It's all horrendously fake Mexican, or all Colonel's delight for me.
I tried before a few times and decided that I enjoyed one menus' items more than the others which saddened me and took the delight out of eating something I'd normally be loving.
I guess there are worse problems to have.
I still can't get over the six tacos. You cannot physically eat six tacos (along with popcorn chicken)-and even if you COULD, which you can't, you'd HAVE to order a large soda.
ReplyDeleteSix tacos and a small soda? Yeah. Right. Next you'll be insisting that Reagan ended the Cold War.
Maybe NoOprah's the mutant, after all...a bottomless mutant capable of consuming vast amounts of food and drink.
ReplyDeleteHey, it's possible.
But since we're well into the Fast Food theme, I must share this story (which is TRUE!).
ReplyDeleteI once took my kids through a Dunkin Donuts drivethrough, and asked for something like three glazed chocolate donuts.
And the woman said, Swear to God:
"I'm sorry. We're out of donuts."
I didn't believe her at first.
Me: "You're kidding, right?"
Underpaid Dunkin Donuts Lady: " No. I apologize. But we're out of donuts."
So my kids and I just started laughing and I asked "Well, do you have pizza?"
Honest To God True Story, Mr. "I can eat six tacos on my drive home from work."
I once worked for a fast food place...I had the fun job of telling folks we were all out of french fries one day. Nooooobody believed me.
ReplyDeleteI'm scarred for life, as you can probably tell.
Cake,
ReplyDeleteOut of French Fries? I can't even imagine-I hope you're in therapy now. Or heavily medicated, like me.
Dear Momenger,
ReplyDeleteI'll go on the record and say that I can eat 15 tacos in one sitting.
Care to wager?
Wasn't it nice to see Motheragawd here after a 5 month rehab stint?
ReplyDeleteLiar Liar Pants on Fire. You CAN'T eat 15 tacos in one sitting-it's undoable, even if undoable isn't an actual word. So I'll wager... But what's at stake? (do I really want to know?)
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, it was nice to see motheragawd again-I've got a sneaky feeling we might be related, but the idea sort of freaks Cake out, and I don't want to cause her any unnecessary stress. So let's just pretend we don't know who she is. For Cake's Sake. (couldn't resist)
Oh how odd, the Twilight Zone music's playing in here too...
ReplyDeleteOh, hey, hi Momenger! There was just a gal here, looked kinda like you...
Wait a sec...hmmm.
15 tacos!? Normal-sized ones?
ReplyDelete$20 says not a chance in hell.
Happened a long time (35 years!) ago in Winnipeg.
ReplyDeleteFast food chain called Salisbury House. Made a pretty good burger. Burgers were called "nips" out there then, and French fries were called "chips". So naturally a burger and fries was "nip & chip".
My cousin: "Two nips anna chip, please."
Mutant: "We don't have that."
Cuz: "You don't have nips?"
Mut: "Yes we have them."
Cuz: "Out of chips?"
Mut: "No, they're OK."
Cuz: "OK, I want two nips and a chip."
Mut: "We don't have those."
Cuz: "Uhhhhh. Why not?"
Mut: "We have nips, a nip & chip, or chips, but no two nips and a chip."
Cuz: "Can I have a nip, and a nip & chip?"
Mutant: "Sure, it'll be my pleasure!"
-----------
Sometimes I think fast food joints were invented specifically to give the retards somewhere to work.
Actually,
ReplyDeleteI could also eat 15 Taco Bell tacos. I have sucessfully eaten 6 fully loaded Chalupas....mmmmm....chalupas.... I've also eaten two dozen filled donuts from Dunkin Donuts in 45 minutes. I couldn't resist the sale price. Buy one dozen for 99 cents, get the second dozen for a penny! This was in the 1970's...I no longer enjoy donuts.