Before I got married I had the quintessential (I needed spell check) bachelor pad. I lived in this huge apartment complex with Roomie. Though Roomie didn't invent snorting cocaine, he sure perfected it.
So anyhow, one year shortly after Christmas we had this party (as was the norm), and sometime around 1:00 AM I went to bed with the party still going on (as was the norm).
When I woke up the next morning there were about 4 or 5 dead Christmas trees in my bedroom. And then about 5 or 6 more lining the hallway. And then in the living room and kitchen area there were about 30 or more strewn about. Sad looking things. Strands of wrinkled tinsle...broken limbs....browning needles.
Seems Hoagy, some pirates, couple of bears, and possibly Coked-Up Roomie thought it would be fun to fill the house with dead discarded Christmas trees that were left by the dumpsters in this large apartment complex I lived in.
I'm guessing there are still pine needles embedded in that carpet.
I'm also guessing that Roomie is still awake.
As is Hoag.
(I lied about pirates and bears being involved)
There's nothing worse than bears on coke. Except bears on Pepsi.
ReplyDeleteI'd be a bit retarded if I didn't have a fear pirates and bears...dontcha think?
ReplyDelete"Keep in mind today I ran into a guy at the POST OFFICE buying a STAMP"
ReplyDeleteBahahahahwhahwhahwha!!!!
Still crackin up over here...
"I went into the pet store and saw a pirate buying a bear"
ReplyDelete"I lied about pirates and bears being involved)"
ReplyDeleteYou know, without the bears and pirates...it's really just a story about dead Christmas trees.
I'm strangely disappointed.
Don't make me start a blog just about Dead Christmas Trees...cuz I will if I feel backed into a corner.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was 8, I saw a pirate fight a bear with a dead Christmas tree. It was really, really cool!!!
ReplyDeleteThen they took away my Ritalin, and the bears and dead Christmas trees went away.
The pirates, though, stayed around. One Eyed Bob helped me with my algebra. He was a nice man, even with the scurvy.
For a scary moment there, I thought you were going to tell us a story about how you and your wacky bachelor friends decided to have a CHRISTMAS party....in OCTOBER!!
ReplyDeleteThank you for not doing that.
Lois,
ReplyDeleteScurvy's not so bad...especially when compared with the pesky leprosy...I just can't seem to shake it.
Oh, that Hoagy! Always up to no good.
ReplyDeleteNooprah,
ReplyDeleteWhy should you be afraid of pirates anyway? Isn't Keith Richards a pirate?
Or is that Johnny Depp being Keith Richards being a pirate...
Anyway, last time I checked pirates didn't attack innocent store owners on dry land...unless they've expanded their operation or someone put an ocean outside of your store recently, I'd say you're safe.
If a dead Christmas tree backs you into a corner, pull some extra tinsel over your head to appear larger.
ReplyDeleteSurvival: It's the CODE of the wily.
Hey,
ReplyDeleteThis has nothing to do with pirates or bears (or stamps or dead Christmas trees, oh my!), but I just got my mail and received one of those "Have a Sexy Birthday!" cards from Victoria's Secret.
The problem is my birthday was this past weekend, so its too late for me to have a sexy birthday. What do I do? Should I have a sexy Halloween? Or wait and have a sexy Thanksgiving?
true, pirates don't attack by land. but vikings do. they rape and pillage for chrissakes! maybe it's them we should fear.
ReplyDelete"...last time I checked pirates didn't attack innocent store owners on dry land"
ReplyDeleteHave you SEEN this blog? And you still think he's innocent??