Saturday, October 28, 2006

The Slobber Knocker.

So yesterday they announce on the radio that this Saturday (TODAY!!) there is going to be a Slobber Knocker and instantly I'm excited!

My first thought is to get someone to work the store, call up Hoag, and get our asses down to the Slobber Knocker.

I know it will involve steamed hot dogs, fried dough, and the newest greatest carnival ride EVER!

Or maybe Hawaiian Tropic models and cocoa butter and happy endings.

Possibly a maze filled with candy and kittens and everything fried.

I aint missing this Slobber Knocker for anything!

There's gonna be mountain surfing on ironing boards! Baseball and broads and candy and root beer floats! I'll be slobberin' and knockin' and laughin' and lovin'

Maybe it will involve dolphins...or a parade with bears and tigers and meerkats dressed as confederate soldiers!

I don't know what the Slobber Knocker is. BUT. I. WILL. BE. THERE.

I'll be King of the Slobber Knockers! It will be fun and I will remember it forever and ever. We'll eat cotton candy and have our faces painted and run in a field of puppies! The Slobber Knocker IS ON!

And I am it's King.

But The Slobber Knocker was none of that.

The Slobber Knocker was the weatherman's way of saying it was gonna rain with lots of wind.

I wish I was dead.
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7 comments:

  1. Cake12:30 PM EDT

    You made my coffee go down the wrong way and now I'm coughing AND laughing...thanks a bunch!

    p.s.

    "...filled with candy and kittens and everything fried...."

    Mmmm. Fried kittens.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I Ain't No Oprah12:43 PM EDT

    Don't (slobber) knock it until you've tried it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Bemisdown7:17 PM EDT

    You could always go to Chuckie Cheese-
    No Slobber Knocker with fried kittens, I know.

    But they have games. And pizza. And lots and lots of screaming kids.

    Nevermind.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Bemisdown7:18 PM EDT

    You could always go to Chuckie Cheese-
    No Slobber Knocker with fried kittens, I know.

    But they have games. And pizza. And lots and lots of screaming kids.

    Nevermind.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Bemisdown7:19 PM EDT

    OOPS. Doubled your misery. Sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous12:42 AM EDT

    NoOprah:

    You own a store. You are the master of your own domain.

    Choose a date for a Slobber Knocker, throw open the doors, and make it whatever the hell you want. Charge admission to defray the costs, if you must.

    I'll be there with bells on. I might even bring my own kitten, if not enough to share.

    -- Lamont Cranston

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous9:31 AM EST

    Does this have anything to do with slobbering on one's knockers?

    ReplyDelete